


You are so precious to me

by WafflesAndPancakes



Category: Ski Jumping RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Non-Ski-Jumper, Anders feels bad for sleeping with him, Anders feels quilty, Anders got cheated on too, Anders is horny and alone, Anders is too, Angel!Michi, Anorexia, Best Friends, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cock Slut, Collar, Daniel finally goes to his therapy appointments, Demon!Stefan, Dog Tags, Drug Addiction, Eisei being a former soldier, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gentle Sex, Hair-pulling Kink, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, Karl studies psychology, M/M, Markus absolutely adores Anders, Markus is on a classtrip, Markus wants to have a threesome, Michi and Tom are social workers, Michi the drug addict, Name-Calling, Oral Fixation, Oxycontin addiction, Post-Break Up, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Sexting, Shit why is this chapter so long, Skype, Stefan is at university, Stefan is fighting his anorexia / bulimia, Strangers to Lovers, Teacher!Markus Eisenbichler, Therapy, They have missed each other, Threesome, Tom got cheated on, Tom needs to reassure him, Torn ACL, Uniform Kink, Vacation, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, Weight Issues, and well they have a one night stand, bottom!Stefan, gloryholer, kinda rough sex, this is very hurt and comforty, top!Michi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-01-24 00:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18559888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WafflesAndPancakes/pseuds/WafflesAndPancakes
Summary: Some wounds never heal, some doubts never go away, sometimes you just need a lot of time to come clean with yourself.orMy approach to the "Sad OTP Starters"





	1. "It's alright. I'm right here."

**Author's Note:**

> Rated explicit due to self-harm and other critical topics.  
> Hope you enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan and Michi are on holiday when Stefan has a breakdown.

“It’s alright. I’m right here.”

When Michi had returned to the house, there had been not a single trace of Stefan. Fearing for the worst, he knew his boyfriend and the obstacles the younger man was facing, he had opened every door in the house, they had rented for the holidays. Luckily, he had found Stefan sitting in a corner of the bedroom, hidden away from anything that might have hurt him - even if that was himself.  
Michi was sitting down near him, but he knew that Stefan did not want him - to be honest, he did not want anyone - anywhere close to him.

“Go away…”

Stefan was shaking. First of all, it was disturbingly cold in the room, and second of all… yeah, maybe his anxiety was hitting him quite hard. Anxiety paired with depression and, best of all, his never-ending self-hate. Ignoring his warning, Michi came closer and put a blanket around his boyfriend’s slim body. He knew that Stefan would not fight him in any way, as he was too weak and really had other problems.

“I won’t.”

It was not far to the bed, and Stefan did soon find himself in the big bed, buried underneath the fluffy blanket. He still thought that it was terribly cold, he wanted Michi to lay down next to him, to cuddle with him while watching some stupid sitcom instead of their normal action movies. At the same time, he wanted Michi to go away. He wanted to be alone, alone and miserable. And yes, maybe he wanted to take the next sharp object and hurt himself again. Still, the thought of Michi looking at him with this disappointed stare, not angry but more frustrated, held him back. He wanted to make Michi proud, he wanted to be good, and he definitely wanted to stop having these annoying thoughts and urges.

~

It had all started when he was a teen. He had never been thick or something like that, no, he had actually always been a fit, young boy, maybe not really tall, but that did not matter. And still, every time he had to be measured, every time he needed to be weight, he felt uncomfortable. He felt thick. He felt as if he had gained 5 kilograms in a month. Short said, he felt incredibly awful.

He was 3, when he threw up for the first time. He was 15, when he threw intentionally up for the first time. He was 6, when he refused to eat a whole meal for the first time. He was 17, when he refused to eat for a whole day for the first time. At age 10, he already was really thin. At age 18, thin was not even the right word to describe him. He was merely flesh and bones. And he still was not happy with himself.

Around that time, he had met Michi, and it had felt like a new life had begun like a new sun was shining, a new warmth was filling his body. He trusted Michi. He loved Michi. Their first kiss had been behind the school’s gym, he was in his last year of school, and Michi was on his way to becoming a social worker. He had always wanted to help children. What he did not know was that his boyfriend would be the first kid he would help.

Their first time had been in Michi’s flat. They had been a couple for a few months, and they were falling in love more and more with every single day. That evening, Michi had kissed him gently, as he always did, but maybe it was because they were slightly intoxicated that the next thing Stefan remembered was lying down naked on Michi’s couch. It was at that point when Michi had noticed in what condition his boyfriend’s body was. That night, Michi made sure to kiss every single part of Stefan’s body, reassuring him again and again that he was beautiful, even though the younger man again and again said that he still was to thick.

They arranged a meeting with a therapist short after. New words filled Stefan’s world. Eating Disorder. Too thin. Anorexia. He did not understand their meaning. He just wanted to lose a few pounds, was that really as wrong as everybody believed?

It did take him a long time to understand what was wrong with his body. Nonetheless, he made great progress in his therapy, he stopped throwing up, he started to eat normally again. Everything was well. But there was this tiny part in his brain that wanted to destroy everything he had worked on. While his body regained its strength, his mind was getting weaker and weaker. His anxiety got worse. The voice in his head was still telling him that he was fat. That Michi would not love him anymore if he grew any bigger. That he was miserable and deserved nothing of the love he was given. He felt unworthy. Depression hit him out of the blue. He started to hurt himself. He wanted to punish himself for being the way he was. He was getting bigger? He would grab the razor blade. He messed up a situation again? Razor blade. He hurt Michi with his words? Razor blade. He was throwing up again? Razor blade. He was punishing himself again even though everything he was doing was okay and it was not bad to gain weight? Razor blade. It did not matter what he was doing. It was always the wrong thing, and it would forever be the wrong thing.

And the worst part? Michi always stayed by his side. It did not matter if he made one step forwards or two backward. Michi was never leaving his side. He supported him. He helped him clean the bathroom when some of his puke did not hit the toilet. He cared for his wounds when the razor blade had teared up his skin again. Heck, Michi even kept the razorblades clean and organized, just so he would not hurt himself too much or get blood poisoning or something like that. It was as if Michi knew that Stefan could not escape the urge often enough, as if he knew that he needed the time, that it was a long way to go, and that they were not even halfway through. It felt like Michi could look inside his mind and his soul, read everything he had in mind. Michi sacrificed a load of his free time to help and care for his boyfriend. And Stefan felt fucking guilty.

~

He buried his face into the huge pillows, trying to muffle the sound of his surroundings. The wind in the trees, the waves hitting the beach, the birds. Michi had wanted to treat him with a trip to the Caribbean. A place, where no one knew them, where no one would judge him because of the way he looked like. University was stressing him out, and his eating habits were out of control (binge eating and then throwing up had become more regular than he wished it would, even though the voice in his head was saying different things). He had lost and gained weight like crazy, and his therapist was more than concerned. And he had happily agreed to Michi’s plan of taking Stefan somewhere far away. Far away from all pain and sorrow.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Stefan had not noticed how Michi had entered the room again, in his hands two big cups of cocoa. Even though it was burning hot outside, the smell of the hot chocolate made Stefan happy. And still, it was freezing cold in the bedroom (He had turned on the AC when his panic attack had started, the attacks made his body feel like it was burning from the inside out). He sat up and crossed his legs carefully, leaning against the head of the bed. It took a while, and some sips of the hot beverage (and a gentle reminder by Michi to drink carefully and slowly), until he found the courage to answer.

“I met Anders and Tom…”

He actually liked the two Norwegians that Michi had introduced him to, but Tom, a fellow social worker, often did not think about his choice of words when it came to more serious matters. At least Tom was not dumb (and had Anders as his better half), so he always apologized afterward. He really was a gentle soul, and, according to Michi, he had a good way to get through to the children. They all seemed to love him. Anders, Tom’s best friend and a fellow student at Stefan’s university, seemed to like him too. At least to some degree, or else Stefan could not understand how he survived living in the same apartment as Tom.

“Tom didn’t tell me that they would come here… Believe me, I didn’t even mention where we would stay…”

Stefan shrugged and stared into the steaming cup.

“Doesn’t matter… He asked if I had gained weight and… and something snapped…”

He could feel Michi’s hand on his knee, gently stroking over it.

“I’m sure he meant it entirely positive…”

“I know, I know…”

He took another sip and closed his eyes, enjoying the sweet sensation on his tongue.

“Did you..?”

“Stayed strong. No puking, no hurting. Just… a lot of tears.”

The grip around his knee tightened, and he could feel the worried but nonetheless proud gaze of his boyfriend. He felt that Michi wanted to say something, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. The older one sighed and got up from the bed, making his way to the front door. When he opened the door, Stefan could hear two familiar voices.

“Let them in.”

He did not need to raise his voice, he knew that Michi would always listen to him. He really did not deserve a man like him in his life.

A few minutes later, Michi returned to their bedroom, followed by two other men. Tom was playing nervously with his hair, the sunglasses placed on his cap. In his left hand, he held a parrot plushy, more a tourist thing to buy but still kind of cute in Stefan’s eyes. Anders gave his best friend a small nudge, and Tom, normally having more confidence in himself, stumbled closer to Stefan. The Austrian made some space on the bed, patting next to him, encouraging Tom to sit down next to him.

“Please, sit down…”

Tom was not looking entirely sure about the idea, but after a soft smile from Anders, he slowly sat down next to him. He looked at Stefan with big, nearly childish eyes, and bit his lip nervously.

“I’m sorry, Stefan. I… I didn’t want to hurt you… You know me, I fuck stuff like this up all the time.”

He sat down the plush parrot between Stefan’s crossed legs.

“It… reminded me of you. A bundle of joy, and really colorful too. Colorful like the rainbow.”

Stefan giggled and put his cup away, taking the parrot into both hands.

“Rainbow as in gay as fuck?”

He turned his head and looked at Tom, who had a little smile on his lips.

“Now, your words, not mine.”

He giggled again and pulled Tom into a tight hug, smiling softly.

“Thank you, Tom. That was really sweet of you.”

Anders cleared his throat, not even trying to hide his happy smile as he watched both of them.

“We have some food and a movie at our place if you want to spend the evening with us..?”

Stefan looked at Michi, who returned his gaze. Something reassuring was in his eyes, and Stefan nodded happily.

“Sounds like a great idea.”

They got up from the bed and as the four of them walked out of the room, Stefan could feel Michi’s hand reaching for his, squeezing it softly. The older one bent down to his smaller boyfriend.

“I’m so fucking proud of you,”

It was not more than a quiet whisper, but it filled Stefan with more happiness than anything else.

“Oh, and by the way, Stefan?”

Stefan turned his head to the smallest one in the group, who still had a wide smile on his face.

“You are looking great.”

Well, maybe there was one thing that made him happier than Michi being proud of him: His friends being honest to him.


	2. "Why did you choose me?" - "You know very well why, [Name]"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan and Michi are still in the Caribbean, and Stefan has a question that he needs to ask Michi.
> 
> Or
> 
> I tried writing smut

“Why did you choose me?”

Stefan was lying on his back, looking up into the sky as the sun warmed his thin body. The waves were crashing on the beach, and the sand beneath his towel was warm and smooth. Michi was next to him, reading some book about children and their behavior after abuse. Typical social worker lecture. He looked up at his boyfriend as he started to speak.

“You know very well why, Stefan.”

A sigh escaped Stefan’s lips, and he turned around to lie on his stomach, closing his eyes.

“Because I’m a broken soul and you can use me as your human guinea pig?”

“What? No. Babe, I love you, I’m not using you for some kind of weird experiments. And maybe you’re broken, but that doesn’t mean that I love you any less.”

The younger one stayed quiet. He did not want to argue with his boyfriend, even though the voice inside his head told him that Michi was lying. That he did not love him. That he was a burden to him. He was not perfect. He was not what Michi deserved. He was pathetic. He-

“Stop overthinking, babe. You are perfect the way you are.”

He was not. He was too thick, he was too thin, he had scars. But he also had the best boyfriend in the world.

Stefan had not noticed that Michi had moved, and he clearly had not noticed that the older man was now over him, his knees placed left and right legs. Soft lips found their way onto his neck, leaving faint kisses and a few single hickeys along their way down his back.

“Michi, what if people come by…”

Contrary to his words, he lifted his ass, biting his lower lip as Michi grabbed his hips and pulled them closer to himself.

“We are all alone, babe. No one will see us.”

Long, warm fingers found their way down his sides and slowly pulled down his shorts, making him shiver and moan quietly. He had always been extremely sensitive when it came to Michi’s touches, and the fact that they were outside, where everyone could catch them, was only adding to the sensation. He felt Michi’s fingers explore more of his exposed skin, digging into the delicate flesh of bum, spreading his cheeks gently.

“I love you. I love you, love you, love you.”

Michi’s voice sent shivers down his spine. He wanted to answer him, tell him how much he loved him too, but the only thing escaping his mouth was a needy mewl, which made Michi chuckle. He felt how his fingers found their way to their entrance, lightly pressing against it, but disappearing soon after.

“Please, Michi, stop teasing!”

“Calm down, I just need to grab the-”

Stefan tried to look over his shoulder as his boyfriend went quiet. The older one looked inside the bag they had brought with them with an annoyed expression. His movements got more and more stressed as the dark-haired man beneath him made more needy sounds.

“Shit, babe, I thought I had brought some lube, but I think I forgot it at the house.”

“Don’t care, do it without then!”

For saying that, Stefan earned a light spank on his ass, and he bit his hand to stifle his moan.

“I won’t fuck you without anything, sweetheart. I don’t want to hurt you.”

They both knew that Stefan liked it rough (well, Michi did too, but it was Stefan who had to endure more “pain”). He liked being pushed onto the bed, he liked being fucked senseless (bonus points if Michi tied him to the bed), and he also loved a fair amount of pain during sex. Not that he disliked having sweet and loving sex, but sometimes he needed it in a more rough way. And it became some sort of coping mechanism. Whenever he wanted to punish himself, he did not grab the razorblade anymore, at least when Michi was around. He pushed some buttons (he was straight up annoying), and he soon found himself pinned to the floor beneath Michi.

When the light-haired man had found out why Stefan teased him so often, they had started to change their pre-sex behavior. Stefan was just teasing him for fun? Mostly not sex, but sometimes a hand- or blowjob. They had been on a date, or someone thought the other one was extremely good-looking? Sex wherever they were. Sudden lust and horniness? Well, one could imagine. But whenever Stefan had that special look in his eyes, somewhere between emptiness and hate, but at the same time also fear and sadness, Michi knew instantly that his boyfriend needed it hard and punishing. Name calling, degrading, spanking. Gags and blindfolds. And many, oh so many tears.

And when Stefan turned around underneath Michi, it was exactly that look he had in his eyes. During the entire day until now, he had been in the zone between concentrating on his normal thoughts and constantly and exclusively listening to that goddamn voice that would never shut up. And after hearing Michi say that he loved him and that he was perfect, the voice had screamed louder and louder that everything his lover said was wrong, and that he was lying, and that Stefan was truly disgusting.

“Can you wait until we get home?”

Michi’s voice went from calm to icy, and his body language changed from one second to the other. When Stefan nodded, the older one pulled up his boyfriend’s shorts and pulled him forcefully onto his legs (he made sure not to hurt Stefan too much, though).

“Pack our things, and hurry the fuck up.”

In a matter of seconds, Stefan had packed everything they had taken with them into the bag. He looked up to his boyfriend, clutching the handles tightly. Michi looked down on him and huffed, turning around and walking towards their house, which, much to Stefan’s delight, was located close by. Once inside, Michi took the bag out of Stefan’s hands and threw it onto the couch, before dragging his younger boyfriend into the bedroom.

“When I come back, I want to see you naked on the bed. Bonus points if you prepare your little, tight ass for me, slut.”

With that, Michi went out of the bedroom again, leaving Stefan alone. He undressed quickly, putting his short perfectly together on a chair. Michi hated chaos and especially now, Stefan did not want to make his boyfriend angrier. Or did he? Because he ended up throwing the shorts carelessly over the backrest of the chair. And he knew that Michi would not like it. He would hate it.

Lying down on his stomach, he held his ass up in the air, wanting to prepare himself as Michi had ordered. His mind slowly wandered off, the voice disappeared or at least got quieter, and his thoughts were only filled with the wish of making Michi happy, the wish of being a good boy for him. A mellow whimper escaped his throat as he wanted to grab the lube from the nightstand, noticing that the bottle was not where they had put it the night before.

“Oh? I thought you didn’t care about lube before? Why now?”

Michi was standing in the doorframe, and the dark-haired man knew that his very motions were being watched. His boyfriend came closer, examining the chair. He felt the mattress change as Michi kneeled down behind him, a deep growl coming from the older one. Michi’s flat hand came down on the round cheeks, spanking the smaller one a few times, not really hard but definitely not gentle. Stefan moaned out loud, pressing himself against his lover.

“You little whore. You know all too well that I don’t like it when you throw your clothes around the room like a child. How often have I already reminded you to tidy up after yourself?”

Another hit, another muffled sound from the bottom.

“Cat got your tongue? Answer me.”

“14 times, sir.”

“14 times too often. You will never learn it, I guess.”

Stefan whimpered as the blonde-haired man spread his cheeks, the now lube-coated fingers pressing against his entrance. It did not take a long time until Michi could easily work two fingers in and out his boyfriend’s ass, hearing the sweet sounds he loved so much, especially the sound Stefan made when he removed his fingers.

“Turn around. I want to see your face.”

Stefan turned around, watching in awe as his boyfriend coated his member with the clear liquid.

“You think, you can take the whole thing in one go? Even though I didn’t work you open as much as I wanted to?”

The smaller one nodded quickly, spreading his legs to make more space. Michi bent over his boyfriend, looking into his eyes, dark with lust, as he pushed himself into the tight hole. Stefan bit his lip, not wanting to make a sound as the older one worked himself inside centimeter by centimeter. His voice, deep and raspy, filled Stefan’s mind.

“Such a good slut. You’re so tight and warm. I can feel you twitching, baby, you wanted this the whole day, am I right? Talk to me, I want to hear your voice.”

“Yes! Missed this! Feel so good, so good because if you, sir.”

Stefan pressed himself against the other body, moaning as Michi started to move, a hard and torturing pace. One hand was in his waist, holding him in place, whilst the other one was around his neck, playing with the pressure. His hands were buried in Michi’s hair, which he was not always allowed to do when they were in those roles, pulling on it from time to time.

“You’re still so fucking tight, babe. If I wouldn’t know better, I would think that I was fucking a virgin.”

The pressure on his neck was becoming more, and he struggled with breathing normally. He closed his eyes, earning him a more gentle hit on the cheek.

“Keep your goddamn eyes open. I want to see what I make you feel.”

Stefan let out a hoarse scream when Michi hit that special place in his body, making him see stars and sending a familiar warmth through his body. He looked into the taller one’s eyes and pulled him closer.

“Michi, Michi, please!”

“Do you deserve it, slut? Do you deserve to cum?”

Scenes flashed up in front of his inner eye, scenes from throughout the day, what they had done, experienced, seen. He had eaten normally, he had laughed, they had met with Tom and Anders, he had been comfortable enough to take off his shirt and show off his body on the beach, even though the voice in his head had screamed at him, had wanted to keep him from doing it. He smiled slightly as he answered with a moan.

“Yes, sir, I did. Deserve it. Was a good whore, was a good boy, did everything right, I- Michi!”

He came untouched, shaking as Michi continued to thrust into him. He wanted to close his eyes, the sensation was too much, he was still so sensitive, but he could not, Michi had told him to keep looking at him. Their eyes locked again, Michi’s hand wandered from his neck up to his cheek, leaning his forehead against Stefan’s. Michi tensed up a few thrusts later, spilling inside his beloved with a deep groan. And for the first time during the whole session, their lips met, and they shared a sweet and tender kiss.

~

“Why did you choose me?”

Michi, who had been drawing tiny patterns into his lover’s hair, stopped for a second and smiled, kissing Stefan gently.

“I told you already, my dear.”

The smaller man looked up, tilting his head slightly, one of his hands on Michi’s stomach.

“I wasn’t happy with your answer.”

Michi smiled again and shifted a bit, so Stefan was lying beneath him. He kissed his boyfriend, again and again, lovingly massaging his sides, before kissing his earlobe. Stefan’s sweet spot.

“I fell in love with you. Your personality, your body, your way of doing things. Everything could weigh you down but you still kept doing your thing. You are a fighter. And I was proud of you for every step you took. And I still am, my dear. Every day you give me another reason to be proud of you. I fall every day for you, over and over again.”

Tears ran down Stefan’s cheeks, and he tried to hide his face in Michi’s chest. A happy smile was on his lips, while his body was shaken by quiet sobs.

“I don’t deserve you, Michael Hayböck.”

“You do, Stefan Kraft. Because you show me that the sun can always shine, even on the rainiest days.”


	3. "I'm a monster" - "No, you're not"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Michi and Stefan are enjoying their holidays, it's time to take a look at Tom and Anders, at what their relationship really is.
> 
> Or
> 
> why Hilde's and Fannemel's exes are assholes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, this time with hilde/fannemel. I love these two, I just had to take this opportunity to write something about them
> 
> If you're a fan of either Tande or Forfang... I'm sorry, haha.

“I’m a monster.”

Anders’ voice was thin and shaking. Typical post-orgasm behavior. But not only his voice was shaking, but his body was also shaking, and Tom could hear how the younger one tried to quieten his sobs. He wrapped his arms around his best friend, pressing a soft kiss onto his sweaty forehead.

“No, you’re not.”

Neither of them was. They had done the right things, they had followed their heart, they had done what they needed to do. It had been for their own sake, they knew that nothing would have helped, nothing would have saved their relationships.

“You broke up with him, Fannis. That is a normal thing to do when someone fucks you over.”

Their relationships had been good, most of the time at least. They had been happy, as you always are or should be in a relationship. Their lives had been great. Until their partners had decided to destroy everything they had built up together. It left them alone, and in their time of grief, they had found love and security in each other’s arms. It was not a relationship, it was not even friends with benefit. It was necessary for them to continue with their lives so that they would not fall into darkness.

“But I knew in what state he was in. Me breaking up with him hit him hard, I am so afraid that he will do something to himself.”

Anders’ sobs got louder, and he pressed himself against Tom as if he was searching for help and a place to hold himself, keeping himself from falling.

“Daniel did this to himself. It isn’t your fault that he decided to sleep with that Slovenian guy. In your bed. When he knew that you were about to come home. He has to live with the consequences, and if he can’t handle it, he should talk to someone about it. But that someone isn’t going to be you. If he comes crawling back to you, I will personally kick his ass until he leaves you alone.”

His best friend had been in a relationship with the freshman at his university for at least two and a half years, and it hurt Tom to see him in so much pain, especially after seeing how happy Anders was around the younger man. He had struggled with accepting his bisexuality, even though no one of their friends had said something negative about it, but with Daniel, Anders seemed to come to terms with himself. When his roommates kicked Daniel out, the couple had taken the opportunity to move in together (much to Tom’s disliking, since he now had to share the apartment with a couple).

It had been no secret between the three of them that Daniel struggled with some mental stuff. But it came apparent that he had a bigger problem when he found Daniel with a knife in his hand in their kitchen, blood dripping from his arm. After treating the wound, Tom had hoped that it would be the last time of him finding Daniel in such a state, but his dreams were shattered multiple times. It did not take him long to understand that Daniel followed some kind of pattern. Whenever Anders and he had a fight, Tom could be sure to find Daniel cutting himself afterward. And it would always be Anders, who would come back and apologize, even though it had clearly been Daniel’s fault. Daniel bound Anders to him that way, making the smaller one fear for the worst if he only said one bad thing. Anders did not want to hurt Daniel, so Daniel would not hurt himself. At that point, Tom was fed up with Daniel’s behavior, and he deliberately avoided the youngest one, which was hard for Anders, who wanted to spend some time with his boyfriend but also with his best friend.

But the last straw for him was when Anders had been sitting in front of his boyfriend-at-that-time’s apartment, bawling his eyes out, apologizing again and again for being ignorant and blind to his now ex-boyfriend’s behavior. When he calmed down, Anders explained that he had found Daniel in their bed, balls deep in some… after seeing a picture of him, Tom knew it was a goddamn child. Funny enough, it was the little brother of one of his colleagues, so Tom knew that Daniel’s ass was being kicked already. And he also knew that it was a one-time thing for the boy, who had already apologized to Anders. Anders had not been angry at him, maybe also because it was hard to be angry at a literal teen, but also because he knew that the boy did not know that Daniel was in a relationship.

Only one thing was stronger than all the pain, all the anger, Anders felt towards Daniel.

“I don’t want him to get hurt. What if he ends up… killing himself… I would never forgive myself, Tom. I love him.”

It was love. And Tom could not be mad at him because of that. Because he knew how it felt.

~

They had continued cuddling once Anders had calmed down, his head resting on Tom’s naked chest, listening to the steady heartbeat, but the younger one soon started to complain about being sticky and sweaty, so they had managed to find their way into the shower. Both had been minding their own business, when Anders took Tom’s hand, looking up at him.

“You never told me why you two broke up…”

Tom stood still, only looking down on his friend, thinking about what to say.

“I never thought it was important… It didn’t fit between us.”

“You basically lived in his apartment, you always did everything together, and every time you talked about him, you had heart eyes. What is the real reason?”

He closed his eyes and sighed, putting a strand of his hair behind his ear. He wanted to forget it, he did not want to think about his ex, he wanted to make Anders smile again because the younger one was the only one, who really cared about him. Anders deserved the world, he did not deserve Tom rambling about what an asshole his ex was.

“It doesn’t matter, Anders.”

“It hurts your heart. It does matter to you.”

Anders had always been the more rational and logical amongst them when it came to their relationships and their emotions. He knew what to say and what to do. From the first day on, he could read Tom’s mind, he knew how the older man felt, what he thought, what he wanted to do. They had become inseparable because Anders understood why Tom acted the way he acted, and Tom understood why Anders, even though he also was a really funny person, tended to be more serious: Both did not want to get hurt anymore. Anders tried to hide the most of his feelings, at least to the public, while Tom used his funny and hyperactive personality to hide his broken parts.

“He turned out to be a damn asshole.”

Tom closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the shower, trying to sort his thoughts. Should he start explaining that he had begged him to stay when he first wanted to leave? Or that he did not want to share his loved one with another person? That he did not want them to stay hidden? That he hated being the second choice? That he had screamed at him when he told him that he had slept with her? Or that he left him for keeping his secret safe since being gay was not an option in his family? How he had met his mom, finding out that his ex’ little sister was bi and had a girlfriend? How he had cried when he found out that he never had broken up with her? How he had felt when he was told that she was pregnant? How he had understood that the other man had never loved him? That everything was a lie?

He felt how the water was turned off, and how a towel was placed around his shoulders. Anders' voice was there, he could not understand the words, only the soft sounds, and he could feel the younger one’s hand on his lower back, guiding him out of the shower, into their bedroom. He did not know when he had opened his eyes, but when he noticed, Anders was handing him some clothes to put on, patiently waiting for him to finish dressing.

They ended up on the couch, cuddling under a big blanket Ellen had told them to take with them (Tom remembered Anders’ mom saying “I don’t care if you're going to the Caribbean or not, it can get cold there at night!”). He was lying on the couch, his head rested on a pillow, while Anders was lying on his stomach half between his legs, half on his upper body. Their eyes met, and Tom finally found the courage to speak.

“I told him that he had to choose between me and her. You know he always told me that his family hated gays, right? I met his mom after we broke up. Turns out his sister has a girlfriend. He… lied to me. For so long.”

Tom’s voice was quiet and weak, and he had his problems not tearing up. He felt Anders’ hand on his, slowly drawing circles on it.

“Other than that… he had never broken up with Selina. They kept living a happy life, while we shared the bed whenever Selina was out of town. And the worst thing? She is pregnant.”

He closed his eyes, hiding away from Anders’ worrying gaze, away from the sad face. He wanted Anders to smile, not to look at him that way. He really should have stayed quiet. This was about Anders, not about him. He wanted to make him happy with their holiday far away from their home.

“You could just tell her. You have enough evidence to show her that you are telling the truth, Tom.”

“Why should I do that? She is such a good girl, and yes, she doesn’t deserve a man like Johann, but… she doesn’t deserve to be alone with the child either.”

They stayed quiet for some time until Tom’s phone made a noise. He sighed and grabbed it, seeing that it was a message from Johann. Why did he not block his number? Before he could answer, Anders had already grabbed the phone, rolling his eyes as he read the message.

“ _‘Please, bunny, come back, I miss you so much. This has been a big mistake, I love you, we can work this out.’_ Who does he believe he is?! Crawling back to you, saying all this stupid shit.”

Anders looked up at him, biting his lip as he thought of a good answer.

“Want to be mean? Or do you want to give him a chance and explain himself?”

“Both. I want to hear him explain himself but he doesn’t deserve the nice treatment.”

The younger one nodded and sent a quick message saying:

_“I made it clear, Forfang. Me or her. Why do you come crawling back like the pathetic rat you are?”_

_“I just… I miss you. My choice was wrong. I should have chosen you instead of her. Bunny, please don’t treat me like that, I promise you, she will never come between us again. Love you and only you.”_

Tom shook his head and sighed again, feeling how his heart started to ache, how he longed after his ex-boyfriend, his smell, his voice, his laugh. Hell, he still loved him, and even though he knew what a manipulative piece of shit he could be, he wanted every word to be true.

“Tom, look at me. You don’t deserve that asshole. He won’t stop breaking your heart. I promise you, you are better off without him.”

But there was another man in his life now, someone who he knew cared about him. A new smell, a new voice, a new laugh. So many new things that made him feel loved, feel safe, feel welcomed. So many things that he loved, even if it was more of friendship-based love. Anders would never leave him. He knew that for a fact.

He took the phone with one hand, while the other hand found its way around Anders’ waist, pulling him closer to himself. He took a deep breath before typing the message.

_“What do you want from me? Want your fuckbuddy back? Or did she leave you for good? I hope so, she deserves someone with more backbone than you.”_

_“Don’t be so mean to me… I love you, isn’t that the only important thing for now? I want to hold you in my arms again. I want to see you now. Come back, little bunny, please.”_

He could hear Anders snort next to him, mumbling an “asshole” under his breath. Tom smiled and kissed his best friend on his forehead.

_“Goodbye, Forfang. See you in hell.”_

With that, he blocked his number. He would never hear anything from him again. And even though the thought of that made him happy. a part of his soul screamed at him for that, but he did not care. Because the person who mattered the most was lying in his arms, telling him how proud he was, how good he did. And that was the most important thing in the whole world.


	4. "You deserve so much more than me." - "Stop lying."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you take two steps forward and one backward.
> 
> Or
> 
> Stefan and Michi are home again, and Stefan has a break-down.

“You deserve so much more than me.”

Stefan was hiding in one of Michi’s big hoodies, the hood hanging into his face, his hands covered by the arms. It hid his body, it hid his scars, it hid everything he hated about himself, and it covered his view at his boyfriend, who was now looking at him with a soft gaze, smiling the sweetest smile there was in the entire world.

“Stop lying.”

He felt the couch shifting next to him, and an arm was put around his waist. Michi pulled him closer, the hood was lifted from his eyes and their eyes met. Stefan could sit like this for days, just looking at Michi’s eyes, seeing how the sun reflects in them, how they sparkle each time they look at him. He felt like he did not deserve the sparkle. Nothing about him was beautiful, nothing about him was perfect, nothing was… was worth a beautiful person like Michi.

“I’m not lying. It’s true.”

Michi wanted to take Stefan’s hands into his, but the younger one pulled away. Everything had been good after their holiday, therapy was good, his eating habits were… okay, his relationship was great. But something had snapped when Michi had been at the gym. Something that made Stefan hide in the bathroom, punishing him for everything that had gone wrong during the day. He had skipped breakfast because he was running late. He had forgotten his homework for one of his courses. He had skipped the therapy lesson, faking an illness, just because he did not want to look at his therapist. He had not gained any weight (he had not lost any either, but that was not so important). When he came home, he had eaten something but ended up throwing up into their toilet again. For everything that had gone wrong, another cut was added to the number of cuts on his arms and legs. He liked the feeling when the skin was torn open and the wounds were burning. It made him forget his problems, his feelings, everything. But this kind of ecstasy only stayed for a short time. It was followed by even more self-hatred, even more bad thoughts, and especially the need to cuddle with Michi. He was the one who made all the pain go away. When his wounds started to hurt under the bandages, a single touch by Michi made the pain go away. That was why Stefan hid in his boyfriend’s hoodie and sweatpants when he had finished treating his wounds. Michi was not around, so he needed something that smelled like him, something that belonged to him, to calm him down.

That he hid in Michi’s clothes did not mean that he wanted Michi to know what had happened. He wanted to stay quiet, and he wanted Michi to ask no questions. He only wanted Michi to hold him close, not touching his hands or his arms or his legs. Only hugging him around the waist like he used to do.

“Stefan, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

They both knew that Stefan was lying. Who did he try to fool? Michi could read him like an open book, they kept no secrets from each other, so why would Stefan act that way, if not he was hiding something. Silence came up, pulling every single sound forward for both of them to hear. Michi’s calm breathing, birds chirping outside, Stefan’s trembling sobs as he buried his face in Michi’s chest as the silence seemed to destroy the wall, Stefan had built around him. The older one pulled him closer, murmuring gentle words into his boyfriend’s ear, stroking up and down his back. It calmed Stefan down, but it infuriated him at the same time. He was such a burden, he was weak, you could not leave him alone without something happening to him.

“You’re better off without me… Just leave me and never come back…”

But Michi did not leave. Stefan could feel his body tense beneath him, how he stopped every single movement from one second to another. Instead of getting up and leaving, Michi pulled him closer, burying his face into Stefan’s hair. For the first time that evening, Stefan felt safe. He felt wanted. He felt home.

“I would never leave you, babe. Never in my entire life.”

~

Stefan had told Michi what he had done. He told him all his emotions throughout it, every little thought he had. Communication is the key, at least that was what his therapist had told him. And it was. Michi understood why Stefan thought the way he did. Even though they had been a couple for god-knows-how-long, and even though Michi understood Stefan to a degree no one did, there were still things he did not know. But he wanted to know. He wanted to understand his boyfriend in order to help him even more.

“Can you please come to bed now?”

Stefan was laying on his bed, still wearing Michi’s clothes, and stretched like a cat in the sun. He smiled as the bed shifted and Michi was over him. A gentle kiss was placed on his lips, with all the innocence both of them had left in their bodies (which was not much). For Stefan, it felt like the first kiss between two young boys, hidden away from the sight of others, experimenting with a person of their own gender for the first time. Chaste, innocent and sweet. It felt like the sun on a rainy day, running barefoot through the wet grass, laughing and smiling as your friend follows you, and you both fall down into the grass, your clothes soaking up the water. It felt like coming home on a winter’s eve when it snows heavily outside, and you finally can enter the house, where your partner awaits you with a cup of tea in front of your lit fireplace.

Sooner than he wanted to, the lips disappeared and he could hear Michi chuckle.

“Why are you smiling so happily?”

“I was thinking about us.”

He looked up and looked into Michi’s eyes, the smile not disappearing from his lips. Michi came closer again, placing a kiss on Stefan’s forehead.

“You are so unbelievably cute.”

Stefan blushed and turned his face away, biting his lips nervously.

“I’m not…”

“You are. How could you not? You are the sweetest person in the world.”

Michi turned his face, kissing him again. This time, the kiss started again as sweet, but it soon became demanding, wishing to become more than just simple kisses. And when Michi broke the kiss again, his lips started to wander down Stefan’s neck, sometimes biting, sometimes sucking at the skin. The younger one pressed a hand on his mouth, closing his eyes. He felt how Michi stopped working on the light flesh, and he shivered when Michi’s hot breath hit his ear.

“You’re right. I deserve so much more.”

His voice was rough and deep, and Stefan could feel the warm hands, which found their way into his pants, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him closer to Michi. A quiet whimper escaped his throat as Michi carefully bit into his earlobe.

“I deserve so much more of you.”


	5. "Why are you being like this?" - AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michi and Stefan see each other again after a year. A lot has changed. Or hasn't it?
> 
> or
> 
> Me, trying to write an angel/demon AU with KraftBöck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing. This was a joy to write, and I hope y'all will enjoy it!

“Why are you being like this?”

Stefan took a deep puff from his cigarette and closed his eyes as if he could ignore the presence of the other person. His legs were dangling over the edge of the handrail. Of course, they had to fight. And yeah, maybe he was behaving like a little brat, but why not? It was not his fault that the argument had started. (Well, maybe it was.)

“What do you expect from me? That I come crawling onto your lap like a cat in heat?”

He could basically hear the other male roll his eyes as he stepped closer and leaned onto the wall like he always did.

“The moment you’re one of them again, your personality starts to shine.” The light-haired man’s voice was filled with sarcasm. “Should’ve kept you here.”

“I need my space, loverboy. You can’t keep me in a golden cage.”

The smaller one opened his eyes again and looked at the other person. White clothing, as always. The blonde hair was perfectly styled. And even though Stefan was being an ass, he smiled slightly. Heaven on earth. Literally.

“The door was always open. This was no cage. But I guess you chose them over me.”

Stefan sighed, turning his face away. Instead, he started looking over the city, listening to the sounds of oh so many cars, the many people, as the sky became darker and darker and the lights of the city started to glow.

“Of course I did. Should I’ve stayed here? You’re so naive.”

Steps came closer and he felt how an arm was put around his waist as Michi put his chin on his head. Warmth flooded his already warm body, and his instincts told him to cuddle closer to Michi.

“You are the one, who turned up in the middle of the night in front of a church. Shouldn’t demons seek help another place? Maybe a satanic church?”

A hand started wandering over Stefan’s arm and into his hair, playing with some strands of it.

“And still, you sat on my doorstep, your clothes soaked by the rain, and so unbelievably thin. You could’ve run away once you saw me, but you came inside and curled up in front of my fireplace.”

A shiver ran down Stefan’s back as the memories flooded his brain, as he remembered the warmth of a fire that he had missed for so long. The smell of the tea that Michi had made him. The story he had read to him to make him fall asleep before carrying him into his bed.

“My bed is so cold and empty tonight, little demon…”

Michi’s mouth was next to his ear, whispering the words into it, directly into his brain. His hand was not in his hair anymore, but it was laying on his thigh, drawing small circles onto the leather pants.

“Why don’t you warm it for a while, sweet demon?”

~~

The rain was pouring down on him, soaking every part of his thin, vulnerable body. He knew that it was the wrong place for him, but the warm light and the smell of freshly baked cookies had drawn him closer like a moth to the light. He could hear someone sing a melodic song on the other side of the door. The voice was angelic, beautiful and soft, but also surprisingly loud and clear. He knew that the person on the other side was not a normal human. A weird aura was surrounding him, the young demon could sense it through the door. Something that made him want to go away, but also something that drew him closer. As if a magic spell had been cast at him.

Stefan’s body jumped when the door was opened, the dark eyes big and scared looking up at the person standing in the door. A light-haired man, really tall and slender-build, wearing light, nearly white clothing. A literal angel. Stefan could sense it.

“When I felt a demon close by, I was thinking about something… bigger. Scarier. Uglier.”

Stefan stood up and stared at the man, thinking about what to do. His mind told him to run, to get away from the angel, but his heart told him to stay, to get some food, to let the angel help him (he did not really look like an evil person, but still, he was an angel). He huffed and pushed the angel to the side, following his instincts to a room in the back. In the room was a big fireplace, newly lit but so warm that Stefan wanted to crawl inside it. He decided against it but sat down onto the rug in front of the fireplace, letting the fire warm his frozen body.

He had really come to a church, to a goddamn priest, who in fact was an angel. Every other demon would have shouted at him, would have told him how dumb his behavior was. On the other hand, they did tell him that often enough, so it would not matter that much anyways. He would stay an abomination in their eyes. Too sweet, too caring, too much of a loser. Too weak, too small, too fat. Whatever he did, he was doing it wrong.

A blanket was put around his shoulders, a steaming hot cup of tea gently placed into his hands. A tray of cookies was placed in front of him. What was the angel doing? Was he… caring for him? A satanic intruder in his sacred home? They had told him that angels were evil. That they would hurt any demon they saw. That they would do anything in their power to kill every single one of them. And there he was. Alive and warm. He felt safe.

“I thought you would like something to eat and to drink. Sadly, I don’t have anything else than the cookies for you to eat.”

Stefan nodded and took a cookie, slowly eating it. It tasted like Christmas evening at his dad’s house with his siblings. When all was still well. It reminded him of a time that was long gone. A time that he missed so much. A time before… well, hell.

“Tell me, little demon, what’s your name?”

“Stefan…”

“Nice to meet you, Stefan. I’m Michael, but you can call me Michi.”

He felt how the other man sat down next to him, not sitting down far away, but also not too close, as if he wanted Stefan to decide if he wanted to come closer or not.

“So, Stefan, you don’t seem like the normal demon. You’re special, aren’t you?”

A deep sigh came from Stefan as he nodded slowly. Why hide from Michi? He could kill him any second, so he could just give up already and tell him everything he wanted to hear. Got nothing to lose, right?

“Half-demon. Half-human.”

“You’re way too thin to be both. Not muscular enough to be a demon, not chubby enough to be a human. You… are basically skin and bones.”

Ouch, that hurt. The angel did really read him like a book, and he was brutally honest. Stefan stayed quiet for a while, only drinking his tea slowly, thinking about his next words. When he spoke again, his voice was bitter and full of hatred, copying his mother’s voice.

“You and your stupid human bones. Demons are made to fly! But you? You are simply too fat. You aren’t built to be a demon! Your bones are too heavy, you have fat everywhere on your body, and your height?! Who do you want to impress with that?! You’re a disgrace for every single demon on earth!”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not looking at the angel next to him. Michi said nothing as if he was waiting for Stefan to say something again.

“I'm… Sorry… I didn't want to be that loud…” 

“I would be angry too if I would hear that… Probably each day?”

Stefan nodded slowly and drank the last drop of the tea before laying down on the rug, cuddling into the warm blanket. He wanted to hear more of the angel’s voice, he wanted to have him tell him stories. Something about the other male made him calm down, and it was a calmness much needed after the last few days.  
Even though he did not want to fall asleep with the angel in the same room as him (or even in his house in general), his eyes fell shut after a few minutes, and he soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

~

It was the first night he spent in Michi’s house next to the church, and many more nights were to come. They started enjoying the companionship of each other, Stefan started to eat more and gain weight, and Michi helped Stefan with his first flying attempts. For an over-twenty-year-old, it was way too late for Stefan to learn to fly, but the young man was doing his best, and he could soon fly through the night like a real demon.

It was one of these nights when Stefan was looking at Michi differently than the nights before. Michi was standing on the edge of the church roof, the white-feathered wings spread, looking down onto the city. The moon was illuminating his white clothes, making him stand out from their dark surroundings. Stefan could feel his heart beat faster and faster, his cheeks burning. Michi was beautiful, he was elegant, he was heavenly. He was a pure sin in his eyes (oh, the irony). What he did not know was that Michi looked at him the same way during the night. When Stefan made his way through the air, training as they had done so many times before, Michi sat down on the roof and watched him. The older man noticed, how good-looking the smaller one had become. His arms and legs were not that thin anymore since his eating habits had become stable, he even built up some muscles through flying and some weeks at the gym. His hair had grown slightly longer, and Michi had found out that the demon had an incredible clothing-style. He was always dressed really well, but his outfit for that particular night made Michi’s hard go faster: Black, tight leather-like pants, a white shirt (probably one of Michi’s old ones), a leather jacket and black boots (He was not one of the kinky kind, but damn, Michi would have given everything to kiss Stefan’s leather boots). The whole outfit made his black, leathery wings look like they were just a simple accessory, and it made Michi’s feelings go crazy. He felt like a schoolboy having his first crush.

When Stefan landed next to Michi again, he felt that the air had changed. It had become colder, and the wind had gotten stronger. Sitting down next to the angel, Stefan started to lean onto him, enjoying the warmth of another body. A sigh escaped from his lips as he closed his eyes. That way he did not see how Michi looked down on him with a soft smile on his lips. How the other’s eyes wandered over his face, noticing how relaxed the smaller one’s features were. How he bit his lip as he debated with himself whether or not to let his feelings take over his body.

“Stefan?”

“Nh?”

Michi knew that Stefan was close to drifting away into some kind of pre-sleep. He took all his courage and leaned down, stopping only a few centimeters away from Stefan’s lips.

“May I kiss you?”

His voice was not more than a whisper, but Stefan’s eyes flew up as if the older one had screamed at him. The younger one did not move for a few seconds before finally pressing his lips against Michi’s. He tasted like mint, probably because of the gum he had been chewing before, and his lips were soft and felt beautiful against his own. Stefan could feel one of Michi’s hands in his hair, while the other one was holding his waist in place. As sweet as the kiss had started, it soon turned into something more emotional, more wanting, needier.

~

They had shared the bed that night and many of the following. It had strengthened their bond. It had strengthened the relationship they had, whether it was romantic or a simple friendship. They spent more of their evenings cuddling on Michi’s couch, watching some kind of action movie while making-out from time to time. If you would have asked one of them, they would have answered that it was the best time of their lives.

That changed the day they showed up. They had seen how strong Stefan had become. That he could fly. They wanted him to come back home. They wanted to start over. That day, Stefan had looked at Michi with his big puppy eyes, saying that it was his chance to earn respect in the ranks of the demons. He was so excited, and that made Michi happy beyond belief, but he was also worried. He had understood that his emotions for Stefan were something stronger than friendship. He had fallen in love with the demon. And if the demon would follow his family down to hell, the chances were low that they would meet again. The angels were not happy with his choice of partner, but they respected it as long has Michi did not get in trouble in any way possible. They did not hate the demons as much as the demons hated them. And that was the problem. Stefan did not seem to understand that this could be an end.

Michi knew from the exact moment he saw into Stefan’s eyes that the younger one wanted to leave. To follow his kind. To earn the respect he deserved. What could he have done against it? Right, nothing. So the only thing he did was to kiss Stefan one last time before letting him pack his things. And hug him tight when the moment of farewell had come.

“Come visit me, little demon. I will miss you. I love you.”

The last words Michi had said to Stefan before watching him go away with the other demons. He had whispered them, so he was not sure if Stefan had heard them before the wind took them away, up into the sky, never to be seen or heard again.

~~

Their last encounter had been a year ago. A lot had changed in that year, especially for Stefan. The other demons had started to respect him, they talked to him and even went out with him to clubs. He had become a part of them. Of the world, he had always dreamed about being a part of. But he did also miss Michi quiet a lot. Once he had arrived in his new home, they had told him that he was not allowed to visit the angel anymore. He was too dangerous. He was a threat to all of them. That did not stop Stefan’s body and mind to long after him.

That was why it was a great feeling to lay underneath him, his face buried into a pillow that smelled so much of the man he adored. The man he loved. Sweet moans escaped his lips every time the older one thrust into him, every time he felt his lips on his body, every time he felt his hands pushing him further down into the bedding. Yes, he had missed him. He had missed every single part of him.

“What brought you here, sweetie?”

Michi’s voice was dark and sent shivers down Stefan’s spine.

“Y-You! Missed you!”

His own voice stood in contrast to it. Light and innocent. In bed, they often times switched roles. Michi was not the nice and caring angel anymore. More than just often, the older man had shown that he could be Satan himself if he wanted to. And Stefan turned into this innocent creature, as heavenly as most of the angels.

A loud scream left Stefan as Michi bit into his shoulder, spilling himself inside the demon, who followed the angel’s example and stained the bedding. Everything inside the room went quiet, the only thing that could be heard was the soft kisses Michi left on Stefan’s back. I slowly pulled out and started cleaning himself, as Stefan still tried to breath normally. He turned around and tried to avoid the stain on the bedding he had left.

“I think I need to change the bedding.”

Michi was grinning as he got off the bed and took Stefan up to carry him into the bathroom.

“How about you start cleaning yourself properly while I do that, and then we take a nice, warm bath together?”

The younger one blushed, his eyes following the angel as he left the bathroom.

~

After a long bath, they had found their way into the bed again, exchanging kisses from time to time. The moon was about to surrender to the sun, making way for the new day to come, but they only had eyes for each other, as if they feared that the other one may disappear once the sun had replaced the moon.

“Now tell me honestly, why are you here?”

Stefan blushed again, and Michi noticed with a satisfied smile that the demon would not get into the brat phase again (Not that he disliked it, but he preferred a sweet Stefan. The Stefan he was used to).

“I missed you… I was so lonesome between the other demons. I mean, they were all kind to me but… it wasn’t the same as with you…”

The younger one tried to avoid the angel’s gaze, turning his head away.

“They will be angry when they find you in my arms.”

“They won’t bother us anymore, Michi.”

Finding his courage again, Stefan looked at his lover with a smile. He took his hand and put their fingers together.

“I left them once and for all.”

Michi’s eyes grew big, and he stared at Stefan, swallowing hard.

“You… left?”

Stefan nodded, now nervous about the reaction. Was it bad?  
In the next second, a pair of lips were pressed onto his, and Michi kissed the demon passionately. Stefan had left the demons behind. He was no longer a part of them. He was his. And only his. Forever.


	6. "Please hold me"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders shows up on Tom's doorstep, clearly distressed. Tom finds out what has happened.
> 
> or
> 
> I have started to ship Anders and a German ski jumper you all know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should have been uploaded on Wednesday already, but my time management is poor, and I didn't have time on Thursday and Friday, so here we are. And since I actually wanted to upload the next chapter today, but I haven't even started writing it yet, everything has become a mess.
> 
> So the next chapter will be up Friday or Saturday since I'm away for the next few days.
> 
> You can find the inspiration to this one shot in the End Notes

“Please hold me.”

When Tom opened the door, he looked into the grey eyes of his best friend. Anders was shaking, and to Tom’s surprise, the younger man was wearing clothes that definitely did not belong to him. Not only were they a bit too big, but since Anders’ wardrobe mainly consisted of Adidas hoodies and sweatpants (mostly in dark colors), it was something different seeing him dressed in a short-sleeved white t-shirt and shorts. The black leather shoes did not go very well with the rest of the outfit either. Something had happened since he had left Anders at the party the day prior, and it did not really look like it was something good. Without saying anything, he pulled the smaller one into a hug, holding him close as he closed the door and somehow brought their bodies onto his big couch.

“Wanna talk to me?”

It took a while until Anders reacted. It was just a simple, small, but Tom knew his best friend well, and he noticed the movement right away. Tom stayed quiet, waiting for the younger one to start, and the story he heard was something he did not expect.

~~

They had entered the party together, as always. Dressed in fine clothing, something they really did not do often, dressed for this special occasion. Well, it was not special for Anders. He was just Tom’s plus one. For Tom, it was something special, and Anders could see it in his eyes. His smile was reaching his eyes, and they were sparkling as if he was a child in a toy store. Tom’s normal expression when he was proud of something - or in this case someone. One of the children he worked with had finished high school, apparently something no one had thought could happen. No wonder, Tom was proud of the student. It meant that he had done a great job. And because of that, Anders was happy too.

At one point, Anders was left alone. Tom had disappeared, probably talking to his protegee. Anders did not like being alone around so many people he did not know. He felt weird, he did not belong anywhere really, he was just standing in one corner, a beer in his hand, watching how some people danced while others were dancing.

“Well, what is such a good-looking man doing at a high school party?”

Anders turned around and could feel his cheeks burning, as he looked into the smiling face of an unknown guy. He swallowed hard, holding tighter around the beer in his hand.

“I…”

It was the first time in his life that he was not confused with a high schooler. Interesting enough that it happened at a high school party.

“I’m accompanying a friend. Tom Hilde…?”

The other man laughed, an infecting laugh, and smiled at Anders, who had started smiling too. He would lie if he would say that the other male was ugly. In fact, he was really beautiful. Dark brown hair, mysterious eyes, a dark full-beard, and not even that much taller than himself. His clothing was… not well fitting in regards to the occasion: A simple, white t-shirt and sweatpants, paired with a pair of sneakers.

“So, a friend of Tom, huh? I always knew he wasn’t straight but if I knew he liked smaller guys, I would have tried it.”

Anders looked baffled at the other man, shaking his head quickly.

“No, no! We’re not a couple! We’re just best friends… since high school.”

“If I didn’t know Tom, I would ask if you mean for two years. Heck, you look really young.”

Anders blushed and looked away, as the other male laughed and put his arm around Anders’ shoulders, drawing him in closer.

“Just joking. You must be Anders then? Tom often talks about you.”

“Does he?”

Now interested, Anders turned his head to face the guy (heck, he still did not know his name).

“Well, yeah, he talks about a lot of things. You just happen to be a part of it.” The man got quiet and his expression got more serious. “You broke up with your boyfriend not long ago?”

Damn, how close was Tom with this guy that he told him about it? Tears started to flood his eyes, nodding at the painful memory of Daniel. He could feel how his beer was taken from his hands before he was pulled into a tight hug. The man smelled like aftershave and… man. He just smelled extremely manly. Anders liked the smell, it made him feel comfortable and safe. Secure. It stopped his tears.

“As much as I know you from Tom’s tales, you’re a good guy, and he’s a jerk.”

Anders buried his face into the man’s shoulder, feeling steady hands on his waist, a quiet hum next to his ear as the next song started. The hands disappeared, only to grab his hands.

“Do you want to go outside for a few minutes?”

The smaller one nodded and stepped away from the man, following him outside the room.

~

The wind outside was fresh and cleaned his mind, letting his body calm down, dried the tears on his cheeks. While he stood there, his hands buried deep into his pockets, the other man leaned against the wall and lighted a cigarette.

“Do you want one too?”

Anders shook his head but came a bit closer. He disliked the smoke, but something about the other man made him curious, and he wanted to be close to him.

“You never told me your name or what you are doing here.”

The man looked at him and smiled, a shy smile that Anders had not expected.

“I’m Markus, but most of my colleagues call me Eisei. I’m one of the P.E. teachers.”

“A P.E. teacher who is smoking?”

Markus laughed and took a drag on his cigarette, running the fingers of his empty hand through his hair.

“Everyone has got an addiction. As long as the students don’t see it, it’s okay.”

He looked Anders up and down, licking his lips for a short moment, so short that Anders nearly did not notice.

“Tell me something about yourself, Anders.”

“I… I thought Tom had told you so much about me already.”

“I would still like it hearing it from your sweet mouth.”

Was he flirting with him? Anders bit his lip, noticing how Markus’ body language had changed. The way he was leaning against the wall was not only to lean against something but also to show off his (really well-built) body. He swallowed hard as he could make out something under Markus’ shirt that looked alarmingly like a six-pack.

“Well, I… My name is Anders, as you already know, and… I studied history, and I am currently doing my master in cultural history with the main focus on art.”

“Good choice, since life is already imitating art with your body.”

Yes, he was definitely flirting with him. Anders took a deep breath. The wounds Daniel had left were not fully healed, he still longed for the younger boy every night, for his smell, his hands, his voice, his hair, for every single part of his body. He still loved him, but he knew that Daniel was not the one for him. Daniel was an asshole. And the love and security he had found in Tom… it was not the security he longed after. Tom was his best and closest friend, it was a different kind of love he was feeling for him. Looking at Markus, how he was flirting with him, even when he was not speaking, it felt good. It felt like a sin. It felt like doing something wrong, something forbidden. Taking revenge on Daniel for leaving him. For cheating on him. It was the perfect situation to show his ex that he could get anyone he wanted. And oh, how he wanted Markus right now. Maybe it was not one of his greatest ideas, jumping into bed with one of Tom’s friends a short time after his break-up, but it was something that would help him heal. Or at least get his mind away from his ex without bothering Tom.

From that point on, his body started acting on its own. He pressed Markus against the wall, one hand next to his head, the other one grabbing the hand that was holding the cigarette. Markus smiled, letting the cigarette fall down before turning them around, now pinning Anders to the wall.

“If we’re going to play with each other, we are going to follow my rules.”

Markus’ lips were on his the next second, kissing him passionately. He tasted like smoke and beer, fitting perfectly well to his manly smell. Anders’ dug his fingers into the teacher’s hair, pulling him closer, while the other man was making his way under Anders’ shirt. They parted, breathing heavily, and Markus smirked.

“My place? I live right around the corner.”

“Shouldn’t you stay here? Because of the kids?”

Markus laughed and took Anders’ hand, pulling him into one direction.

“They would understand.”

~

And that was how Anders ended up in Markus’ bed, with one of the best-looking men in the world between his legs. Markus was kneeling on the bed, licking his lips as he looked the smaller one’s body up and down. One of his hands wandered up and down Anders’ right leg, sending shivers down his spine, while the other hand took Anders’ hand in his, gently stroking over his fingers.

“You can still say no if you don’t want this. You can say no any time, beauty.”

Anders’ nodded, gasping as Markus lifted his leg, kissing his ankle while looking into his eyes. Of course, he wanted this. This was a dream, never ever would he have thought something like this would happen in real life, and especially he would never be that lucky to be in bed with a god-like creature like Markus. His body did actually remind him of the big statues from the ancient Greeks, so perfect, so stealed, so muscular. A dream of a man. And so, so different from Daniel.

“How could I say no to a man like you?”

His voice was quiet, just a little louder than a whisper, and he could see the effect it had on the teacher by looking into his eyes. The taller male bit gently into the flesh at his ankle, grinning as it made Anders squirm slightly. Anders lifted his free hand reached out to Markus’ face, and the dark-haired man came closer, so Anders could let his fingers fly across his cheek, pulling him down as soon as he could. He put his legs around Markus’ hips, trapping his body close to him, as the man on top of him pressed their joined hands onto the pillow, next to Anders’ head. Their eyes met, and a happy smile appeared on Markus’ lips as Anders’ fingers traced his cheekbone, wandering down to let his fingers dance across his jawline. When their lips met for a kiss, the passion was pushed into the back of their minds. The kiss they shared was more loving than their other kisses, deeper, closer. It was not about their passion, about their lust or the want to fulfill their needs. It was about them connecting on a whole other level, not only sharing their bodies but also sharing their emotions, their thoughts, their wants. This was something more than just a simple one-night-stand. It was as if they were destined to meet as if a higher being had planned for their paths to cross.

“Anders…”

The smaller man’s eyes were closed, his lips parted as he tried to breathe normally again. Markus was nibbling on his earlobe, moving his body slowly against his. Their hands were still connected, a reassuring gesture that none of them would leave, none would go away. Anders’ second hand was buried in Markus’ dark hair, another way of making sure that he would not go, leaving him alone in this big, strange bed. Markus’ second hand was resting on Anders’ cheek, his thumb slowly stroking over the reddened lips. The university student parted his lips a bit more and took the thumb into his mouth, sucking softly on it. He could not see Markus’ surprised smile, but he could feel how the other man was moving his finger in a slow in-and-out-motion, without ever really leaving his mouth empty.

“You really like that, don’t you?”

Markus’ whispered into his ear, as a quiet mewl escaped his throat when the thumb was pulled out off his mouth. A short nod was the answer, and Anders could feel his cheeks burn. It felt like his mouth was tingling. A good feeling.

“Maybe I’ll let you continue sucking soon. But for now,” Markus somehow escaped Anders’ grip and let go of their hands, just to sit up straight again, “I want to do something different with you.”

Anders’ eyes were focused on Markus body, as the taller male reached out for the nightstand, opening a drawer and pulling something out. Their eyes met again, leaving both of them with a wide grin on their face. This was surreal for both of them, hooking up with a stranger, who did not feel like a stranger but more like a lost friend. A gasp left his lips when he felt Markus’ warm hands on his ass.

“Tell me, what do you like in bed?”

Anders blushed even more and bit his lip. His mind wandered off to his nights with Daniel, where he often had to put his needs behind Daniel’s. Well, he did not mind being chained to the bed, but sometimes he had wished for something different, something rougher, something more intense. Something that created a bond between top and bottom, a bond build on trust and love. Daniel had never asked him for his preferences. He now knew that there was not a connection of trust between them either. No real trust at least.

“I… No, what do you like in bed?”

Markus looked deep into his eyes, smiling softly as he pressed a kiss onto the bottom’s lips, his hands slowly massaging his asscheeks.

“Anders, this is about you. I can get my needs fulfilled even when I care for your needs.” He bent down to his ear, pressing his erection against Anders’ bum, seductively moaning into his ear. “I want to see you happy. To pleasure you. To make you feel good.”

His words led to his eyes getting filled with tears, they touched his heart and soul. That was love. Dedication. Understanding. Something he did not know from Daniel. Something that was new, but also something that was good.

“I… like different things. I like it when my partner is gentle and sweet, when he looks after me, whispering nice things into my ear. Something other people would understand as ‘making love’. But I also love something more… rough. Hair-pulling, being tied to the bed and stuff like that. You saw the… oral fixation yourself…”

“And the next thing you tell me is that you like men in uniform, who force you to lick their boots clean.”

Anders blushed. Well, actually his face flushed to a color that made him look like a tomato. His instincts told him to flee. Markus would make fun of him. He would laugh the same way that Daniel had. He would tell everyone. Anders would need to move away. Run away from this place and never come back. Live alone in the most remote place in whole Norway (probably Tom’s closet. Oh boy was this man messy). Just not ever face Markus or anyone else again. Why was he even telling a total stranger all these things? Why was he so dumb? Why-

“You know that it was supposed to be a joke, right?”

Anders had not noticed that Markus’ hands no longer were on his butt, now taking his own hands and guiding up to Markus’ mouth. Soft kisses were pressed on each knuckle before the dark-haired man bent down again.

“Lucky you. I was in the military for two years. And my uniform is hanging in my closet.” Markus pressed his body against Anders’, the friction making Anders moan needily. “Guess you have to come back at least one more time, little bird.”

He connected their lips again, releasing Anders’ hands before grabbing the bottle that way laying next to the smaller one. Only now the student realized that it in fact was lube, and as he studied the label, he noticed that it was not only scented but also flavored.

“C-Cherry?”

Markus nodded and opened the bottle, coating some of his fingers with the liquid and warming it.

“The only flavored lube I have. Guess I’ve got it from an ex or so. But I thought it would make it… tastier for you to have something in your mouth.”

Anders’ bit his lip, spreading his legs slightly more as Markus’ now lube-coated fingers softly pressed against his entrance. Markus’ lips were on his neck, kissing his flesh, again and again, leaving some small marks and hickey close to the collarbone, a place no one would notice them that quick. The smaller one closed his eyes again, relaxing his body as one finger was pressed into him, moaning loudly. It was different from Tom’s fingers and definitely a whole lot different than Daniel’s, it was a sensation he had never had before, even when doing it himself. It felt right, it felt good, and heck, he wanted so much more.

“That’s my boy… Relax a bit more, and I can soon give everything you desire.”

Time went on, and as Markus’ fingers stretched him more and more, Anders felt his climax come closer. The heat in his stomach kept growing every time Markus’ experienced fingers hit or just slightly touched his prostate, making him whimper and moan and mewl beneath the teacher.

“S-Stop!”

And at once, Markus was gone. No fingers inside of him, no hand caressing his cheek and playing with his lips, no body over his own. Anders slowly opened his eyes, looking for his lover. Markus was sitting at the other end of the bed, watching Anders carefully, his own erection hard and throbbing between his legs.

“Did I hurt you?”

Never in his life had he shaken his head quicker, had he gotten to sit straight up faster, a hand reaching out for the other man. Markus took his hand slowly, letting him pull him closer, pressing their lips together.

“Didn’t want to cum already. Too soon.”

Markus nodded understandingly, wanting to press him onto the bed again, but Anders stopped him again.

“Want to… to ride you…?”

Daniel never let him ride him. Tom did, but he had told Anders that it was not one of his favorite positions. Anders loved to ride people. It gave him some form of self-control while not topping the other man. And he could show off his body. Forcing the other man to watch, not allowed to touch anything. Anders was a man of many facets. Both sweet and sour at the same time.

“Under one condition, dove.” Markus’ voice was close to his ear. Too close. He was too close. They were both too close. “You will come back here at some point. Promise me that this won’t be our last night together.”

“I promise you, Markus. I promise you.”

~~

“And what happened then…?”

Tom did not want to sound too excited. He was happy that Eisei had followed his hints and talked to Anders, even though he had not planned that they would end up in bed right after they met. His initial idea was to get Anders a new friend, someone more interesting in his life, someone that made him forget Daniel. Someone that was not him (because he had his own private life, and because he was not the long-time solution).

“Well, you can imagine.”

Anders was not shaking anymore, but Tom was still holding him close. The younger man sighed and cuddled against his best friend.

“We had sex… And not only once. It felt… good, you know? It was so different, so new, so… perfect.”

He let his fingers run through his hair, looking at Tom with tired eyes.

“But I feel so dumb… I trusted him so much that I told him so much about myself… Things Daniel didn’t even know. And… now I’m not going to see him again… He didn’t even give me his number or something like that.”

Tom smiled and pressed a kiss on Anders’ forehead, letting go off him.

“Eisei is a good man, you know? I am sure he won’t use your kinks against you. And if, I know a lot of guys to kick his ass.” He stretched his shoulders, rolling his head from one side to the other so loosen his slightly stiff muscles. “You have to give him his clothes back though. And you promised him to come back.”

“I wasn’t in a state to answer his question truthfully, I just…” Anders bit his lip and blushed. “... wanted to ride him…”

“You still promised it to him, so you’re going to go, Fannis. How about tomorrow after our training session at the gym?”

“I’ve got nothing to do but… Tom, it’s a stupid idea, he doesn’t want anything from-”

“And sent!”

Tom put his phone on the table again, smiling happily. He knew that Anders had not noticed him taking the phone, and he knew that Anders was surprised. And that the younger man would probably kill him the second he found out what he had done.

“What did you do, Tom?”

Anders’ voice was calm, and Tom brought some distance between them, knowing that a calm Anders was not a good Anders.

“I got you a date for tomorrow.”

Before Anders could react in any way, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

_“Tom told me you were interested in meeting tomorrow evening? I could cook for us and we could talk some more. Getting to know each other better? I would be down - Eisei”_

Anders blushed when he read the message. But he felt that it was something special. The start of something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this picture: https://lol-ur-not-fannis.tumblr.com/post/184671370220/hey-sweetheart-do-you-have-something-planned


	7. "I can't take this anymore"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus is on a classtrip, but Anders is needy and wants to see him.
> 
> or
> 
> I really wanted to write some kind of skype-call-sex and this came out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (very late) grundlovsdag, Norge! Or just happy birthday!
> 
> I'm finally back with a chapter, and I'm so sorry, KraftBöck will be back in the next chapter, I promise you.

“I can’t take this anymore.”

Tom sighed and got up, leaving a pouting Anders on the couch.

“What do you mean, asshole.”

The older one looked at his friend while putting on his shoes, smiling softly.

“You need some time for yourself. Call Eisei or something like that, just… jack off, man.”

“Am I not beautiful enough for you?”

Tom stopped in his motion towards the door and stared at Anders, quickly walking back to him. He softly placed his hands on his cheeks, squeezing them gently.

“Anders, you’re one of the most beautiful people I know. But you should stop using me as your fucktoy while you’re dating one of my friends.”

Anders continued to pout, turning his head away from his best friend. He would never confess it, but he actually missed his… yeah, what were they? They had met a few times, they had had sex, they had introduced each other to their friends… but they had not talked about their relationship status. Was it too early to call each other boyfriends? He wanted to take it slow, especially after his previous relationship, but it felt so good to be together with Eisei. It felt better than with Daniel, he felt loved and worshiped, and he adored the other man so much. And now that his whatever-they-were was in Spain with one of his classes, he longed after him. It had not even been three days, and he apparently had pissed off Tom already.

“But he isn’t here, so… please?”

“He is in Spain, Anders. The only thing the students are doing is probably get drunk and lay on the beach. He must have a lot of free time, and I’m sure he would love to help you with your… little problem.”

And with that (and a hug), Tom left the apartment, leaving Anders alone with his thoughts.

~

The sun was shining onto his body while he listened to the sound of the waves. Markus had imagined the class trip more stressful, never in his life had he imagined the students to be so well-behaved (and with that he meant not drinking in front of the teachers and still participating in the planned activities), and he would have laughed at everyone who had told him that he would just lay in the sun and enjoy his “holiday”. He really did enjoy it, but his thoughts started to wander off often, trailing off to Anders, how much he missed him, what he would do to surprise him when he came home again. Those thoughts often led to him having to go into the cold water, which did not always help. Luckily, the students had not noticed anything strange about his behavior (or he thought so at least).

The sound of his phone brought him back to reality, and the specific ringtone told him that it was a message from Anders.

_“Hey, how’s your week? Are the kids behaving?”_

Markus smiled, putting his sunglasses on properly.

**“I can’t complain, duckling. Could be worse than chilling at the beach.”**

_“Pff, and here I am, freezing to death, while you’re probably laying around shirtless for everyone to see.”_

The dark-haired grinned widely, opening the camera to take a picture for the other man. Something simple, just him smiling, but from a perspective from which his whole upper body could be seen.

**“Jealous?”**

_“Tom indirectly described it as horny.”_

Ah, the reason why he messaged him. Markus would have lied if he had said that he did not long after the younger man, that he did not want to kiss him and hold him close before fucking him senseless.

**“Do you have something planned? Because I would need some time to come to the hotel. Don’t want to traumatize the kids.”**

The next thing he received was a picture. He looked around to check that nobody was watching him or his phone before he opened the picture. The sight he was given was heavenly: A naked Anders, legs spread, throbbing erection and two fingers in his mouth. And, to Markus’ surprise, a thin collar with a dog tag around his neck. Markus had to take some deep breaths before he was able to answer.

**“Don’t touch yourself until I say so. I’m going to the hotel, and while you wait like the good boy you are, you’re going to take a picture of that sweet dog tag. Want to know what you’ve written on there.”**

~

When Markus arrived at the hotel, Anders had already spammed his phone with messages. He threw his bag into a corner and sat down onto the bed, licking his lips.

_“Don’t laugh at me, okay?”_

_“I feel so ridiculous”_

_“Do you really want to read it?”_

_“Isn’t it irrelevant?”_

_“Markus, please answer me.”_

_“Markus?”_

_“Please don’t ignore me…”_

_“I am so sorry for questioning you…”_

_“Markus… Eisei, please…”_

Markus stared at the messages and swallowed hard. He did not want to bring Anders in such a situation, he felt sorry for him, he wanted to hug him, tell him that everything was fine. But he had also experienced Anders in situations like this, and he sometimes needed someone to guide him. To get him out of his headspace. To let go and let someone else take control.

**“I’m not ignoring you. I told you that I needed to get to the hotel. Get your computer, I want to call you.”**

He got his own computer from the nightstand, opening skype and placing the device in front of him on the bed. A few seconds later, he got an incoming call. He answered it, only to see his lovers reddened face and slim upper body. Anders was not wearing the collar anymore, and his eyes had lost all darkness to them. Instead, they were watery, and Markus knew that he was close to crying.

“What is wrong, duckling? You need to tell me so I can make it better.”

Anders shook his head, looking at him with big eyes. Markus knew that sign.

“Tell me. Now. You are a good boy, aren’t you? Or are you a brat like your ex? If I wanted to have a brat, I would be talking to Danny instead. So?”

Anders let out a small and quiet whimper, but he managed to calm down enough to answer the other man.

“I… I am afraid… You could laugh about it… Because it’s so pathetic. D-Danny did…”

“I don’t care what he did. Have I ever laughed about you?”

The younger one quickly shook his head, swallowing hard. He grabbed the water bottle that stood next to his bed and drank from it. Drinking water when close to freaking out. A weird habit, but a healthy one. It could have been worse.

“See. What did Tom say about the tag?”

Markus knew that Anders trusted the social worker with his life, and even though Tom was a funny and not-that-serious person in general, he would never hurt his friend or talk badly about his kinks. And he also knew that Anders cared about Tom’s opinion. He probably would have gotten rid of the tag if Tom had disliked it.

“He thought it was cute… The whole idea in general… He… actually bought me one that says duckling…”

His lips formed a smile at the thought of Tom surprising Anders with the tag, and especially of Anders wearing the tag while swallowing his best friend (He had actually received videos of that, and he would give a lot of money to see it live. He really needed to talk to Tom about it). The thoughts had an effect on his lower regions, but he wanted to make sure that Anders was in a good state before going further.

“Take the collar. I want you to read the tag out loud. If Tom liked it, I am sure that I will like it too.”

Anders’ hands were shaking when they picked up the collar, playing around with the tag nervously. He was cute, with his red cheeks and his wild hair. Markus adored every look on his lover, but this one was one of the best. Anders cleared his throat and took the tag into his hand.

“G-Gloryholer.”

Markus bit his lip hard and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. Gloryhole. His innocent, little duckling. Kneeling in front of a hole in some dirty toilet cabin, sucking a stranger off. Letting him cum on his face. Maybe even let him use his ass. They definitely had to try that at some point.

“Good boy…”

His voice was still shaky, and his breath was quick, his mind running in circles as he thought about all the stuff Anders probably had done to other men. Markus already knew that he had some kind of voyeur-kink, but he had never thought that it was so strong. Not until he had met Anders, who was now looking a bit stressed-out, but also really proud.

“Thank you for telling me, duckling. You truly deserve a treat.”

Yeah, he tried to play the asshole, he tried to be the dom Anders needed so badly, but a part of their play was positive reinforcement. Their sessions helped Anders grow as a person, conquer his fears. Every step forward was reinforced with a treat, and Markus always thanked Anders for sharing more of his past, more of his thoughts with him. It had made the bond between them stronger, and it made it easier to understand each other. Plus it was a big benefit for both of them because the treats often times meant orgasms.

“Sit up straight. Put the computer onto the bed so you can move freely. And so I can see your whole body. And put on the collar, it really suits you.”

Anders listened so perfectly well to his instructions. He put on the collar without bickering and knelt in front of the laptop. He really knew how to work his body, how to push the right buttons to make Markus basically come at the plain sight of him.

“I can’t wait to come home, babe. Can’t wait to touch your body. Come on, bend over nicely. I’m pretty sure you have lube nearby, right? I want you to prepare yourself nice and slow. Like I do. I mean, you want to take my whole length, you want to make me proud, yes?”

Seeing his loved one in pleasure, seeing him how he enjoyed himself, and how turned on he was by the whole play made Markus proud and happy. Watching him was pleasuring enough, he did not even feel a real need to pleasure himself, jerking off to this gorgeous being would probably bring him to the end too soon. Hearing the smaller one moan his name again and again was more pleasing than anything else.

“You are such good boy. You really want to please me, don’t you? I never have to be angry at you, you’re so perfect the way you are, dove. God, I wish I could touch you, I wish I could be there and bury me inside of you. Fuck you nice and good, the way you love it. Or do you want it rough? Should I pin you to the wall? Or chain you to the bed? Oh, I bet you would love it. Lying beneath me, letting me have my way with you. Using you.”

He knew that his words drove the bottom mad, closer to his orgasm. He could read his body like an open book, and he knew that he would come soon. The way his voice got slightly higher, the way he moved his hips, the way his breathing changed. And he was right, Anders soon came with his name on his lips, spilling onto the bed before breaking down onto it.

“Look at me, dove. Look at me and open your mouth. I know you want to taste me. God, I would do anything to feel your lips around me.”

His hand found its way into his shorts, stroking himself hard while looking at his lover. Anders looked at him with dark eyes, licking his lips as he opened his mouth. Quiet whimpers came from his throat, needy sounds that had the same effect on Markus as the older one’s words had on Anders. He looked closely at Anders before moaning out loud and cumming into his hand. This boy would be the death of him.

~

The worst thing about the class trip was that Markus could not cuddle with Anders once they both had cleaned themselves up. He smiled as he saw how Anders had pressed his face into the pillow, close to falling asleep, wearing one of Markus’ old shirts. What a beautiful being he was, and how blessed he felt that he got to call this man his… lover.

“I miss you.”

Anders’ voice was really quiet, but the words sounded crystal-clear in his ears. Markus looked at the man through the screen, smiling at him with a soft smile.

“I miss you too, little dove. I’ll drive directly to you once I’m home again.”

The smaller one looked up, shaking his head tiredly and yawning.

“Don’t. You tend to forget that Tom is living here too.”

Silence came over them as Markus seemed to think about what he should say. It was his chance to hint at the little fantasy of his.

“Well, tell him to either stay away or play with us.”

“I would love to play with you two if you would let me.”

A scream could be heard from Anders when Tom started to speak, and Markus could see how the student threw a pillow after his best friend, who stood in the doorframe and laughed.

“What do you want from me, asshole?”

“I actually wanted to ask you if you want to take a bath. If Markus will let you.”

Markus smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he could trust Tom, he would never touch Anders inappropriate if the other one did not want it. But he was also open-minded and had no problem with them taking a bath together.

“I think he deserves one, Tom.”

Anders stretched his body and sat up straight, tilting his head slightly with a smile. Cute.

“Good night, Markus… Message me?”

“I will. Good night, duckling.”

Markus was about to end the call when Anders left the frame, but Tom appeared once Anders had left the room. Tom smiled and opened his bun, letting his hair fall onto his shoulders.

“Just wanted to say that I was being honest earlier. If you want to invite me…”

He winked into the camera and ended the call, leaving a gobsmacked (and maybe semi-hard) Markus behind. He could not wait to come home.


	8. "Please don't cry."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple evening at the hotel
> 
> or
> 
> Markus' fantasy is becoming reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> or
> 
> how I will end up in hell
> 
> or
> 
> why am I even writing this

“Please don’t cry.”

Tom’s voice was rough and deep, as his hand once more fell onto Anders’ naked ass. A needy moan escaped the younger one’s lips, his lips forming a silent “seventeen”. He earned a proud smile by his best friend, who gave him a second to recover.

“See? Only three to go.”

Tom looked up and grinned, licking his dry lips as he saw the beautiful image in front of him.

“I told you that he loved a good spanking.”

Markus was sitting on the bed, one hand in his pants, slowly stroking his length. His hair was still damp from their trip to the hotel pool, and a few strands hung down into his face. Both Anders and himself had left hickeys on both sides of Markus’ neck.

“I see.”

The dark-haired’s eyes wandered over his lovers, focussing on his boyfriend. Tears rolled down his cheeks, leaving salty trails on the reddened cheeks behind. He got up and walked over to the chair both of them were placed on, kneeling down in front of Anders. Warm fingers trailed down his cheeks, making the smallest one shiver.

“Color?”

“G-Green. Please, I need… I need more.”

Anders moaned out again as Tom’s hand hit him once more.

“You still got three left, so be a good boy and continue counting.”

~

He did not know how they ended up in that situation. Originally, Tom had gifted them with a spa weekend at a hotel outside somewhere in the countryside, knowing that both of them had been stressed out by each other. University and school had started again, and while Markus had to work with a new, chaotic class, Anders was buried beneath a ton of university work. Tom, the only one of them who could relax at least a bit, managed to find a weekend where all of them had not planned anything and surprised the young couple Friday after work and school with pre-packed luggage.

Once they had arrived, they spent the rest of the day relaxing at the pool, drinking a couple of drinks and enjoying each other’s company. It quickly turned into more than a couple of drinks, and at some point, Markus looked into Tom’s sparkling eyes, before the oldest one kissed him with red cheeks. While it had started as a soft and simple kiss, Markus was soon pressed against the edge of the pool, Tom between his legs, a hand buried in the dark hair. They only parted from each other, when they heard a needy and attention-wanting sound next to them. As Markus looked to his right side, his eyes met Anders’, darkened by his lust but also worried. He pulled the smaller one closer, kissing him softly while holding onto Tom’s waist.

“We would never forget about you, right, Tom?”

The way he spoke left no imagination to where he wanted them to go. Maybe it had been the alcohol before, but now he felt extremely sober, and his head felt clear. Tom nodded, a big grin appearing on his face. A sign that he wanted to go the same path that Markus wanted to go.

“Never. We know you love our attention.”

Anders’ eyes wandered from one man to the other, studying their expressions and their smiles. Then he started to smile too. With a swift motion, he pulled Tom down by his hair, kissing him roughly, smashing their lips together. Markus stood next to them, slightly flabbergasted. And at that point, he knew that it would be a long night for him.

~

They had found the way to their room quickly, and Markus was soon banished onto the bed, while Tom was pressing Anders against the wall, forcing himself between the younger one’s legs. It was everything, Markus had wanted to see for such a long time. The bond the other two men had created, the lust and friendship they shared, a form of closeness Markus would never be able to achieve. He was not as hurt as his friends, he did not know how they felt after having their hearts broken again and again. He had been the one, who broke other people’s hearts. Yes, sometimes he regretted it, but it would have not let him there, into the room, looking at two astonishingly beautiful people, whom he cared so much about.

Markus woke up from his trance when he heard a needy moan from his boyfriend, who now was looking at Tom with big eyes. One of Tom’s hands was buried in Anders’ hair, pulling his head back to expose his neck, while the other one had found its way into Anders’ pants. Even though it seemed like he wanted to control his body, Anders moved against the older one’s hand. Tom let out a disappointed sound.

“I thought, you knew how to behave, sweetie. You know that I like to take my time. But you’re oh so horny. Is it because your little friend is here too? Because it turns you on how he’s looking at you while you kiss another man?”

Anders nodded, and Markus could see his body tensing up, a thing he had often seen already. Anders liked his treatment. And that was the only thing, Markus really cared about.

“Did you bring it?”

Again a nod, followed by pushing Tom softly away before walking over to his suitcase. Anders knelt down in front of it, laying a few neatly folded shirts down next to him, before pulling out something familiar. Markus made a surprised noise.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you that he owned several ones?”

Tom raised an eyebrow while Anders blushed, turning his face away as he handed Tom the blue-ish grey collar. It fits his eyes, Markus thought to himself. Tom put it around Anders’ neck, making sure that it was not too tight and not too loose, and looked at the tag in the front.

“One of the tags I gifted you?” The oldest man grinned and licked his lips. “You planned this, didn’t you? I remember how you walked back into your bedroom and told me that you wanted to check your luggage when you came back. I thought you didn’t trust me, but apparently, you had something else on your mind.”

Tom pulled Anders to a chair close to the bed, still grinning. He looked over to Markus, their eyes locked.

“Don’t you think we should punish this little boy? Being so naughty, disrupting our kiss in the pool, not telling us about that sweet collar…?”

Markus was mesmerized. The only thing he could do was to nod and stare at his friends, confused but not less turned on. This was not the Tom he knew, this was not the Tom Anders had talked about, but damn, how much he loved this version of Tom. How he could make Anders so obedient in a matter of minutes, only using the right words, the right gestures, to make him a needy mess. Markus knew that this was wrong, that he should be doing this to Anders, but the voyeur side of him yelled at him to stay seated, to watch the beautiful scene in front of him.

~

“Twenty.”

Anders' voice was rough and his cheeks wet, but he was proud of himself. He had gone through twenty spanks, ten on each cheek, without having to take a time-out, even though Tom could be quite rough when it came to spanking.

“Such a good boy, aren’t you? Maybe we should actually give you a treat for being so kind and sweet, and especially for making us so proud.”

Anders looked up and looked into his boyfriend’s dark eyes, smiling slightly. He loved being praised, especially by Markus and Tom. And he loved their treats.

“What do you say, Tom?”

“I say: Get him on the bed and shower him in love.”

They grinned, and Tom took Anders up, carrying him to the bed. Anders pressed his face into the soft pillows, while he heard the other two discussing something quietly in the background. The room fell quiet, and Anders could feel a pair of hands on his bum.

“What do you want, dove? Or rather said, who? Tom or me?”

Anders’ mind was about to burst. The sensation was too much, his cheeks were still burning and just the mere thought Tom or Markus inside of him was enough to make him come any second. But he held himself back, he wanted to make them proud, but it did not make the decision easier.

“We should do this more often, train you, so we at some point both fit inside of you.”

Tom’s voice next to his ear was not helping either. Anders made a needy sound, pressing his ass against Markus’ hands more and more. As much as he wanted Tom, his need for Markus was bigger. Tom knew what he liked, yes, and he always tried to fulfill his needs as much as possible, but it was different with Markus. Markus knew exactly what to do. They had a special kind of bond, every touch by the older male made his skin tingle, created butterflies in his stomach. As much as he loved Tom, whether or not in a friendship kind of way, he loved Markus more. Markus was like his lost soulmate, he was something special.

“M-Markus.”

Anders could see how Tom threw a tube over to Markus, staying at Anders’ head. The younger one lifted his head, just to put it onto his best friends lap. The small tag on the collar jingled, drawing Markus’ attention, as he started to work one lube-coated finger into his boyfriend. Small moans started to fill the room.

“Tom, what is written on it?”

“Cockslut.”

Markus made a choking sound, coughing slightly.

“You- Why?”

“He wanted it. It was a gift, but he uttered the wish, wasn’t it like that, duckling?”

Anders nodded with reddened cheeks, biting his lip. Tom’s hand found its way into his hair, pulling him closer, pressing his tip against his lips.

“Open up and show Markus why it fits so much.”

The youngest one let out a happy sigh as he parted his lips, licking over Tom’s tip a few times before letting the whole length slide into his mouth while Markus worked more and more of his fingers inside of him. Being filled on both ends felt good, and he was proud of himself for taking so much, enjoying something new. Soon, he worked his head at the same speed as Markus’ hands, whimpering as the fingers left his body, leaving only emptiness inside of him.

“You’re sure you want this?”

Oh, and how he wanted it. He wanted it now, and he knew that he would also want it later on. Again and again. Because he loved and adored both men. Because both of them had a special place in his heart. Anders knew he was damned, but he did not care. He was happy, and that was the only important matter.


	9. “I’m begging you, please don’t lock yourself in your room.” - AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michi and Stefan both have their addictions they need to conquer
> 
> or
> 
> the AU I never thought I would write

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who can find the Heathers reference? (musical, not movie)

“I’m begging you, please don’t lock yourself in your room.”

They had been in this situation multiple times. Running away seemed to be the only thing, his boyfriend could do. Running away, hiding in his dorm room, not letting anybody inside. God, how much he hated it. How much he wanted to change their relationship to the better. He wanted to gain the other one’s trust so that he did not need to run away anymore. He had hoped that it would end differently this time, but oh, his hopes had been shattered once more.

He rested his forehead against the door, sighing. His spirit was not broken. He wanted to fight. Fight for him, fight for his love, fight for their relationship. They needed to conquer their fears, they needed to conquer their addictions. Because if they did not, their relationship would sink like the Titanic, taking both of them with it, drowning them in their emotions, in their hopelessness.

~~

The first time, he had noticed signs of his boyfriend’s addiction, was after one of their date nights. They were still in high school, and they had decided to spend the night at the older one’s house. Never had he suspected anything, but when he went to the bathroom after his boyfriend, he noticed that the door of a cupboard was not closed properly, as an empty pill bottle kept it from closing. Without thinking about it, he went to the cupboard and opened the door, but instead of only the single bottle falling out, three more fell onto the floor. He swallowed. They all looked the same, and they were all empty.

“Michi?”

He walked into the bedroom, finding his boyfriend on his bed, smiling softly.

“Is something wrong, my dear?”

He threw the bottle at him, fingers running through his hair.

“There are three other bottles in the bathroom, also empty. Are you-”

“No, no! I told you about my dad’s surgery, didn’t I? They are treating him with Oxycontin at the moment, but the dose has been lowered. No need to worry, Stefan.”

Stefan sighed, nodding slightly.

“Yeah, I remember. Just… This amount isn’t normal anymore. Mrs. Sinclair has told us, what Oxycontin can do with our bodies. That we can get addic-”

“I’ll have an eye on him, sweetie. Promised.”

He walked over to the bed slowly, laying down next to him. A small yawn escaped his lips.

“You should sleep, my dear.”

Stefan looked his boyfriend in the eyes and kissed him softly, before using his chest as a pillow. From that angle, he could look into Michi’s gym bag, and just a second before he fell asleep, he noticed a fairly similar bottle sticking out of the bag.

~

Years went by. Stefan noticed a change in Michi. The older one had gotten calmer, quieter. He did not want to go to soccer anymore, he did not want to play Fifa, from one second to the other, he started to dislike everything he had liked before. He drank a lot more, whether it was water or alcohol. He was more often sick, Stefan could not remember a week, where he had not found his boyfriend vomiting into their toilet. His grades became worse when he entered college, and he did not do any housework. Stefan, who entered the same college as his boyfriend and with whom he shared the dorm, had to do everything on his own.

The younger one had thought about breaking up a lot of times. He could not do this anymore, he had his own obligations, his own homework, his own problems. His anorexia had become worse again when he had entered college, and if Michi did not occupy the bathroom, Stefan found himself hanging over the bowl more often then he would have liked to. But at least he knew that he had a problem. He knew that his weekly therapy sessions were important, especially for his healing process. He knew how to deal with it, he knew his triggers, he knew his fears, his problems. He tried to work around it. But in the beginning, he still had Michi to lean on, someone who cheered him up and who motivated him to continue, to fight. When Michi even started to seemingly ignore his boyfriend’s struggles, that was when Stefan really fell into a hole. He did no longer have the help of the most important person in his life. He was on his own, tackling school, housework and his illness - his addiction to throwing up.

The last straw was reached when he noticed that Michi lost weight too. He had never been a partner to look through his boyfriend’s stuff, but he knew that it was the only way of finding out what was wrong. And he soon found his boyfriend’s secret. Hidden in the darkest corner of his closet was a significant amount of pill bottles. Oxycontin. Stefan felt how his life started to change. This was not good, but he knew that they could fight together, fight for their healing - if Michi only would talk with him about it.

Stefan confronted Michi after their dinner. After putting away the plates and the food, Stefan put a single bottle on the table without saying a word. Michi’s eyes got big, and he swallowed hard, thinking about what to say.

“This… it is different than how it looks.”

“No, it isn’t. How long?”

“I’m not addicted!”

“How long, Michael?”

He never used his full name. Only if he was really upset. But Stefan continued to talk as calm as if it was not a big thing.

“I’ve found many in your closet. How long have you been hiding this from me?”

Michi got up without a word, walking into his room and slamming the door. Stefan heard how he locked his door.

“That long, huh?”

~~

That was how every single one of their confrontations had ended. Every time Stefan just mentioned “Oxycontin” or “pills”, Michi turned around and ran away. Again and again, Stefan was alone, left with all the house chores. He had talked about it with Gregor, the only one he could trust, the only one from whom he knew that he would not tell anybody about it. Stefan’s soul was about to break. He was tired. He could not do this for a long time anymore. Something needed to change.

But how change something, when you can’t even talk to somebody?

Stefan wanted to fight, he wanted to save both of them because with every step Michi made, he took Stefan with him. Michi got worse, Stefan got worse. Only one of them noticed it, but it was too late to change something. Either would both of them win or both of them would lose.

“Please… Michi… I beg you… Open the door, please.”

He tried to open the door, pushing the handle down. To his surprise, the door actually opened, and he could walk inside. Michi was sitting on his bed, trying to open another one of the bottles.

“Stupid… child-proof… caps…”

Stefan was fast. Before Michi had another chance to open the bottle, Stefan had grabbed it and thrown it away into a corner. Michi stared at him in disbelieve, small tears in his eyes. Their eyes met. Realization seemed to hit the older one, as Stefan pressed a soft kiss onto his forehead. Small sobs could be heard as Michi pulled Stefan closer, burying his face in his boyfriend’s stomach.

“I’m so sorry, Stefan.”

It was enough for the younger one to break down crying, too. He knew that the war was not lost. That they would keep on fighting. It was their only chance for a better future, but Stefan knew that both of them were ready for every challenge that they would face. Because they were a team. They had always been. Nothing could separate them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm now tagging my AUs in the chapter name. Those AUs don't belong into the actual "storyline."


	10. "Don't shut me out!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationships are hard, and sometimes they need to end. But sometimes, people are just doing the wrong things.
> 
> or
> 
> I don't even know what I am doing anymore, someone please take away my laptop.

“Don’t shut me out!”

The last weeks had been shitty. More than shitty. While he tried to sort out his life between work, family and university, his boyfriend struggled with his mental health and his injury. When they could see each other, they either fell asleep quickly or ended up having a huge fight. It hurt both of them more than they wanted to admit, but they were both equally stubborn.

“Shut up, I’m fine!”

Now, they were fighting. The older one had been hiding in his room for quite some time, and when his boyfriend wanted to spend time with him on his rare day off, he could not move because of the pain. Maybe that had let to their fight, even though it was not the taller man’s fault that he felt so much pain - It was his stubborn mind, which let him ignore the doctor’s advice about not walking around that much and taking pain killers.

“You’re not! You are in pain, I can see it in your eyes! Stop being such a stubborn child and take your medicine! Or at least talk to me!”

Cene could not remember the last normal conversation they had had. The only thing he remembered was how his boyfriend tried to down talk his problems again and again. He did not want to push him, but it hurt him seeing his loved one in agony. And he knew his mental state, and he also knew that the accident and the injury had thrown him back into his depression. Cene tried to do everything in his power to help him, but it felt like it was not enough. If he did not want to talk, he did not want to talk. At least he went to the therapist appointments. That was what Cene hoped.

“It doesn’t matter, Cene! If it’s annoying you, I would be more than happy if you just left! And you don’t even need to come back!”

Silence fell over them. Dark, painful silence. It took him some time to understand the true meaning of the words.

“It’s over then?”

The older one’s voice was surprisingly dismissive.

“Yes.”

Cene looked at his boyfriend, not saying a single word while grabbing his bag and his jacket, putting on his shoes. He felt how his eyes started to burn, how his cheeks flushed, how tears wanted to roll down his cheeks.

 _Don’t cry in front of him_ , Cene thought. _You’re better than that._

He knew that he tried to push him away, trying not to hurt him more than he had already done. Cene wanted to stay, knowing that the other one would regret it sooner or later, as he had always done, but something in this situation felt different. It was not the same as always. This time, it felt colder, harsher, more… serious. It felt like an end.

Cene made his way to the door, opening it and taking a deep breath, before walking out of the flat. His last words seemed to stay inside the room, and his now ex-boyfriend heard them inside his mind again and again.

“Goodbye, Kenneth.”

~

The last weeks of summer went by, autumn came and the trees started turning red, and Cene got more and more uncomfortable with his situation. He was not used to be single. It felt weird not having another person around, even if it was only for sleeping purposes. Being alone in his flat felt wrong. He wanted Kenneth to be around, he wanted to cuddle with him, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to feel his arms around his body. He wanted to see him smile. He wanted to see him happy. But the older man did not call or text him. For once during their whole relationship, they had really broken up. And Cene feared that they would never come to terms.

“You two should talk.”

Cene looked up from his computer as his colleague started to speak. He shook his head and sighed, returning to writing his report.

“He hasn’t messaged me. And I won’t run after him. It’s his fault.”

Tom got up from his chair and made his way across the room, leaning against Cene’s table as the younger one tried to continue his office work.

“We both know that it was his stubborn side talking, right? He needs your help, Cene.”

Choosing to ignore the other man, Cene got up and put his jacket on, grabbing his bag.

“I’m off to a visit. Call me if it’s really important. And not about my ex.”

Cene opened the door and was about to close it when he heard Tom’s voice. It was one of the few times he heard his friend sound truly worried and slightly nervous.

“We haven’t seen him in nearly a month.”

~

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Silence.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Silence.

Kenneth turned around in his bed, hissing at the pain he should have gotten used to, but that did not want to go away and still disturbed him with every movement. He listened for a moment. No knocks, only silence. Maybe the person had given up?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He let out an annoyed groan and buried his face into his pillow. Outside were probably Tom and Anders, as they had tried to contact him throughout the last weeks. Or maybe Lars and his twin, who had also tried to get him out of his flat. But he had not opened the door, lying still in his bed, in the darkness, waiting for them to go away. He did not want them around. He was miserable, he was a burden for all of them. His knee was a burden. Why did they even care about him? There were so many interesting people, why him? He was just a piece of dirt. He was not even able to train like a normal person, he always had to injure him. He had fucked up. He did not even know if he would ever walk normally again.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Whoever stood in front of his door was very persistent. He got up with a sigh, grabbed his crutches and made his way to the door. One foot in front of the other. Carefully. He hissed with every step he took, feeling how the pain got worse and worse.

“Oh my god, could you just stop?! I don’t want to -”

He opened the door. His eyes widened. Shit.

“We need to talk, Gangnes.”

Cene gently pushed him to the side and walked inside, finding his way perfectly around the flat, he remembered so clearly. Nothing had changed. As if their last encounter had only been a day ago. The younger one sat down on the couch, looking at his ex-boyfriend, who was following him slowly.

“I don’t want to talk.”

“The others haven’t seen you in a month. They are worried.”

Kenneth shook his head, sitting down on the couch too, but as far away from Cene as possible.

“And they sent you?”

“Dumb, right? Well, I guess they chose me because there is one difference between them and me.”

The older one sighed, and turned so he could face the other man, looking him up and down.

“And what should that be?”

“I’m still so freaking in love with you that it makes me want to do everything to see you laugh again.”

~

“When I fell… I knew that it had torn again. The diagnosis was not something unexpected. And… I don’t know. It sucks if it happens to you again and again and again. I felt like such a loser. And I mean, I am a burden. For you. For the others. You wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

After sitting in silence for a long time, they actually had started a normal conversation. Neither of them knew who had started, but it felt good to talk to each other - no screaming or shouting, normal volume.

“You’re not a burden, Kenny. And shit like that happens. Yeah, maybe your behavior wasn’t the best towards me, but I wasn’t any better. I should have asked you more often how you felt. My head was just so… stuffed.”

Step after step, they found together again. They moved closer together, and Kenneth could soon put an arm around Cene. Their bodies relaxed, even exchanging some gentle touches.

“On the other hand… I really wanted to vent around you. Everything was just stressing me out, you know? My job was hell, I didn’t have any time to study and… then the thing with Domen happened. I really wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to think that I didn’t care about your injury…”

Kenneth buried his face into Cene’s hair, closing his eyes as he smelled the familiar smell of the smaller one’s shampoo.

“What happened with Domen? Tell me now…”

Cene sighed, letting his hand wander up and down Kenneth’s back, making the older one squirm from time to time.

“Well, he had some kind of summer fling with Tande.”

“That isn’t bad, is it? Tande and Anders broke up.”

“Domen was the reason why they broke up.”

“Oh… The poor kid.”

Cene nodded slowly, cuddling closer to Kenneth.

“Tom came to me and ranted over Tande, what an asshole he was because he cheated on Anders. He didn’t know that Domen was my brother, but since there aren’t many people called Domen here, it kinda became clear to me that he meant my brother… I shouldn’t say that Peter was close to beating Tande’s ass.”

His words made Kenneth giggle against his hair. The older one pulled him onto his lap and looked him directly into his eyes.

“But he didn’t hurt him…?”

“He promised me not to do it. I know you still… like Tande. I don’t understand why, but-”

“Cene, please. Not now... “

Kenneth’s voice was soft and had some kind of effect to it that nearly broke Cene’s heart. He knew that Tande was important to Kenneth, but he did not know that he was that important.

“It’s okay… But you should talk to him about it. And to Anders. He seemed really sad when Domen apologized to him.”

Cene could feel the other man tense beneath him.

“Why did he apologize? He didn’t do anything wrong?”

A soft smile appeared on his lips as Cene leaned his forehead against Kenneth’s.

“He wanted to. He felt sorry for Anders and… he also felt really guilty when he found out that Tande had a boyfriend.”

“Your brother is an angel. And so are you. You… you came back… even after I was being such an asshole...”

Kenneth’s voice became quieter at the end, and the older one seemed to blush once he had finished the sentence. Cene bit his lip and put a hand on Kenneth’s cheek, smiling gently.

“I missed you, Kenny.”

The taller one looked at him with big eyes before smiling too.

“I missed you too, Cene.”


	11. "Give me one single fucking reason why I shouldn't leave!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Break-up is hard, but your best friend will always make you happy.
> 
> or
> 
> how Stephan's single again and Andi changes his plans for the evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a life sign!  
> Yeah, the last weeks were kind of hard, and I am literally tired 24/7. But hey, summer break starts on friday!

“Give me one single fucking reason why I shouldn’t leave!”

Andi stared at his best friend as he stormed out of his bedroom. He had never seen him that angry before, never even heard him swear. Stephan had always been a sweet person, always patient and kind, but something had triggered him, or rather said, someone.

“Stephan, please… We can talk about it. I love you.”

Stephan’s boyfriend followed him out of the room, slower and calmer. Andi knew that he was not the best boyfriend and that he had already caused Stephan more than one problem, but this time, it seemed like the older man had enough of his boyfriend’s actions.

“You can shove your ‘I love you’ up your cheating ass!”

Putting down his tablet, Andi sat up straight, watching the two men closely. Stephan had fled into the kitchen (and luckily, they had a pass-through between their kitchen and their living room, making it possible for him to watch them), filling a glass with water. Andi could see how his body tensed when his boyfriend entered the kitchen, how his hand held the glass tighter, the knuckles turning white.

“I didn’t cheat on you, Stephan. Please, why do you believe him?”

Stephan turned around and stared at his boyfriend, shaking his head, a sad laugh coming from his throat.

“Maybe because this isn’t the first time this has happened? Maybe because this is the third time?! Maybe because I fucking know that you apparently can’t keep your pants on around other men?!”

Andi watched closely how Stephan emptied the glass, holding it in his hand as if he was about to throw it at his boyfriend. The slightly taller man bit his lip, noticing the same thing as Andi, and took a few steps backward.

“Stephan, I promise you with all I have that I didn’t have sex with him. He is lying because he’s jealous of you…”

Both men could not fathom how quickly Stephan threw the glass at his boyfriend, who could barely move out of the way before the glass shattered as it hit the wall. Andi sighed quietly and got up, slowly walking over to the other two men.

“Jealous?! Why should he be jealous of me?! Because I have a cheating boyfriend?! Oh, please, he can have you, Karl! I’m so done with you!”

Andi made his way around the glass fragments, standing between his flatmate and his probably now ex-boyfriend. He looked at Karl with a neutral expression, talking quite calmly to him. He was used to those kinds of fights, it did not shock him, but this was the first time Stephan actually had thrown something at the other man.

“You should go now.”

“But-”

“Go, Karl. I’ll call you if he wants to see you again. Or if you can get your stuff.”

Stephan broke down crying into his best friend’s arms when the door fell shut. Sobs were shaking the slim body, and his shirt was quickly soaked with tears. Andi somehow managed to get his best friend onto the couch, pulling him closer, petting his hair. As he did not calm down, the younger one started to hum an old song his mother had sung to him when he was a child. He could soon hear how his breathing got calmer, and how Stephan fell asleep in his arms.

~~

“Hey, I’m not going to come around tonight… I’m really sorry…”

When Stephan opened his eyes again, he found himself not on the couch anymore, not in Andi’s arms, but in a bed - and it sure was not his own bed. It took him some time to figure out that it was Andi’s bed, and he buried his face into the pillows with a smile as he noticed. Something about the younger man made him calm down, especially when it came to his smell. He had often thought about buying the scent for himself, but it would have been something different. It would have been wrong in a way.

“I know I promised you… Yes, I know that you need me right now… But you got yourself into that situation. Stephan… Yeah, it’s him again, and? It’s not his fault that Karl is… the way he is… And you got yourself into that situation all alone, my friend. I didn’t tell you to fuck Domen!”

Stephan could hear how Andi got more and more angry at whoever he was talking to. It sounded like Daniel.

“Oh please, stop being so selfish! Yeah, your life may be shit, but not everything’s about you! I- Daniel… Darling… Stop crying… I… I didn’t mean it that way…”

He could hear how Andi sighed, and his footsteps stopped as if he had stopped moving around the flat. Stephan got up slowly, walking over to the slightly opened door and looked into the living room. Andi was standing in the middle of the room, holding his mobile with one hand, covering his eyes with the other hand.

“Did you go to the therapist appointment? We talked about how important it was… You didn’t? Dear god, Tande… Do I really need to go with you every time?”

Stephan watched how Andi’s body tensed, how the hand slowly uncovered his eyes, how something inside Andi’s brain made him stop and listen to Daniel. It was serious, he knew that. Daniel was unpredictable.

“Don’t you say that ever again, Tande. You know as much as I do that it’s wrong… And screw the guys who tell you that stuff. Screw guys in general… No, please, Danny, don’t screw guys. You know what I mean.”

Andi turned around and stared at Stephan like a deer caught in the headlights, slightly shook that someone was standing behind him. As soon as he caught himself again, he smiled at his best friend and walked over to him as he continued to talk to Daniel.

“Focus on yourself first. You don’t need a boyfriend to be strong. How about I come over tomorrow, we cook together and then watch a movie and eat ice cream? Like the old days? Just the two of us?... Great! See you tomorrow then. Same time as always. Text me if something’s wrong, ‘kay? Bye!”

With a deep sigh, Andi threw his mobile phone onto the couch, hugging Stephan tightly. Stephan put his arms around his best friend.

“Sorry for waking you up… You know Danny…”

“You mean the little manipulative shit you used to date for a few months?”

“Don’t be mean. Yeah, he’s got some problems, but we’re working on it. And you actually like him, be honest.”

No, he did not really like him. He actually quite disliked him, him and his stupid, manipulative behavior towards every single person. How he used his friends, his family, everyone to get what he wanted. Ignoring other people’s feelings. Stephan did not know what Andi liked about him that he stayed his friends, even after they had stopped dating each other. Even after Daniel had hurt him multiple times - emotionally and physically.

“Let’s… let’s change the topic, please?”

The younger one nodded, not letting go off his best friend.

“Want to watch some stupid movie and eat ice cream?”

“You literally asked Tande the same thing not even five minutes ago. Not that I would say no, but I would actually prefer starting a new show with you? And I bought some of the popcorn you love so much?”

Stephan loved Andi’s smile. How could he not? He loved Andi, he was his best friend, and he was so incredible - incredibly beautiful and incredibly funny. But something inside his mind changed as the beautiful being kissed him on his cheek and made his way to the kitchen, looking for the popcorn.

His whole view started turning rosy, and the rosy glow got brighter whenever Andi was around.


	12. "Can't you tell he's broken?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are broke. But maybe they can fix each other.
> 
> or
> 
> A pairing, I never thought of, but fits so well together (at least in this story). (I blame it on the heat.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's summer, I'm dying since Europe's so fucking hot.
> 
> So the perfect time for some writing!
> 
> (I think my brain is actually overheated)

“Can’t you tell he’s broken?”

Oh, he could. Even though the younger one radiated self-esteem, he could see how broken he was on the inside. The glow in his eyes was not the same as everyone else's. His smile never reached his eyes. Every time, Karl looked into his eyes, he saw a broken soul, left with near to none emotions. On the outside, the other man was a huge asshole, who did not seem to care about anyone else besides himself. It fit together very well. Broken on the inside, hiding it with idiotic behavior on the outside.

“I’m not blind… Let me talk to him.”

“You’re too inexperienced to talk to the younger patients.”

His mentor looked seriously at him, shaking his head as Karl’s gaze wandered back to the man sitting in the waiting room. This was the first time he was not accompanied by Andi, and it felt like a big relief to Karl. He did not have to hide again, he could walk around freely without having to worry about his ex-boyfriend’s best friend (yes, he feared Andi.).

“Besides,” Karl continued talking, ignoring his mentor’s words, “everyone who comes here is broken.”

He was not wrong, technically. Studying psychology, Karl was in the last year of his master course, soon finishing his educational career with a doctor. Besides university, he was working at a psychology office and that was where he had seen the younger man for the first time. Before he knew that his (now ex-) boyfriend knew and hated him. And without knowing his history, without knowing his background, he had seen how broken and lost he was. How he was sitting next to his best friend, squeezing his hand tightly and biting his lip. How his left sleeve had ridden up, uncovering the bandaging around his arm. Poor boy.

“You’re still not allowed to talk to him. So could you please go back to writing your reports? I’ve seen how many you still have to finish.”

Karl watched how his mentor went to the waiting room, greeting the man, shaking his hand.

“Good afternoon, Daniel. All alone? That’s an improvement, you can be proud of.”

Daniel’s eyes were only focused on the older psychologist for a short amount of time, before wandering off to meet Karl’s. Blue met brown. And Karl immediately knew that he had lost.

~

When his mentor had said that he was not allowed to talk to him, he had talked about inside the office. He had not mentioned what Karl was allowed to do outside of his working hours. That was how Karl ended up in a gay bar, pressing a young, blonde guy with shining blue eyes against the wall. The younger one was smiling as he pulled Karl closer, but something was different from all the guys before - the smile did not reach his eyes.

“I wondered how long it would take you before hitting on me.”

Karl put his hands on the other man’s hips, holding him steady and close. Their eyes locked.

“And? How long did it take?”

A hand was in his hair, playing with the short strands, not letting him go. He could feel Daniel’s breath on his lips as he talked.

“Until you got rid of your boyfriend.”

“You waited for that, didn’t you? You wanted us to break-up, just so you could have me.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I needed your helper-complex. Maybe I needed something different.”

With that, Daniel’s other hand wandered down Karl’s chest, stroking over his stomach before playing with his belt. As he wanted to undo it, he was stopped by one of Karl’s hands, which was pulling his hand back up. The older one grinned, licking his lips. He took a step back and turned around, pulling the light-haired man out of the club. Daniel followed happily.

~

Daniel was a tease. A big, fucking tease. Especially when he was laying on the bed, naked, showing off his body to Karl, who looked at him mesmerized. Some strands of his longer hair were falling into his face, and the older one did not want to do anything else than bury his hands into the golden softness. Bury his hands in his hair, kissing him roughly and fucking him senseless. It was clearly the alcohol speaking, but when did you actually have the chance to have someone like Daniel in your bed?

“Karl, come here… I’m waiting just for you and your big, tasty-”

A sweet moan escaped his lips as Karl, who had made his way onto the bed, bent down and kissed his neck, wandering further down and giving Daniel’s nipple a few slow licks. He pressed his body against Karl’s, causing friction between them, letting both of them moan in ecstasy. Daniel’s hands pushed him further down and scratched his shoulders, and Karl felt that Daniel wanted to make this rough. The younger one wanted a hard treatment, but he still wanted to have the upper hand all the time. Karl knew that behavior. Rough sex to ignore your feelings, to fill the hole inside your heart. To have someone to hold onto, someone to share the dark void around you, someone who brings light into the darkness.

It may have been a one night stand for Daniel, but for Karl, it was something different. He wanted to change Daniel. He wanted a better life with serious relationships for him. He did not want to fuck and then leave him again. He wanted him to stop fooling around and to start caring about his life and other people. Karl held him close to his heart, even though he did not know a lot about the younger man.

“As much as I would love to hear you scream my name over and over again in agony, I would actually prefer something more gentle, Daniel.”

His hands started wandering lower, gently massaging the hard flesh of Daniel’s thighs. A whimper escaped the blonde’s hair, as he spread his legs slightly, giving the older one more space. Karl’s lips found their way to Daniel’s neck again, leaving a trail of hickeys across the fair skin. A shiver ran down the bottom’s spine as one hand was wrapped around his length, and another moan came from his mouth, pleading for more of the sensation. Karl’s hand held a steady pace, slow and torturing, and he watched Daniel’s expressions closely. His lips were slightly opened, pants and moans finding their way out through them, whispering his name from time to time. His eyes were closed, his cheeks reddened and his hair was glued to his sweaty skin. He did not look strained, he looked relaxed, he seemed to enjoy it. It was that look, Karl had been longing for the whole time. He wanted to make him feel good.

“Are you clean?”

Karl’s voice was soft as he asked the simple question, letting his tongue glide over Daniel’s ear. He could feel Daniel tense beneath him.

“I… I don’t know… I… I haven’t… Oh, I’m so sorry if you want without-”

A kiss stopped Daniel from talking, and one of Karl’s hands stroked his cheek, tracing the harsh contours of his face. Daniel’s terrified and panicky eyes met Karl’s calm and reassuring eyes.

“It’s okay. I just wanted to be sure. We’ll get you tested soon, we don’t want you to be sick, right?”

The younger one nodded, pressing his body against Karl’s. Making sure he still was around. That he would not leave. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“I’m such a whore…”

Karl did not move his hand, continuing to stroke his cheek, kissing him on his forehead.

“Maybe you are, but… people can change, Daniel. It’s not too late for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Their lips met again, a sweet and careful kiss, full of adoration and security. Full of everything, both of them needed.

~

“Karl!”

The older one grinned as he moved his head up, licking his lips hungrily. His hands were laying on Daniel’s ass, squeezing his cheeks slightly.

“Is something wrong, Danny-boy?”

“You’re teasing me! That’s unfair! Please, I- I need you!”  
A giggle could be heard from the taller one, as he lowered his head down again, biting into the soft skin of Daniel’s bum, making the bottom moan.

“What can I say, you were pret a manger.”

Karl sat up between Daniel’s spread legs, grabbing the condom, which he had placed next to the slim body. The sound of him opening the package sent a shiver down Daniel’s spine.

“Is someone excited? Turn around, I want to see your face.”

The blonde man turned onto his back, swallowing hard as he watched his lover pulling on the condom. Karl grinned as he took the lube, spreading some of it around his length.

“Mh… Should I stretch you some more or do you think it’s enough?”

“Karl, please, I beg you, I need you! Stop fooling around!”

The top grinned and positioned himself in front of his lover’s entrance. They had been fooling around for quite some time, either him fingering Daniel, eating his ass out or receiving one of the best blowjobs ever (Stephan had been talented too, but he was nothing compared to Daniel’s trained mouth). They had kept a nice and slow pace, and Karl had enjoyed whispering small nullities into Daniel’s ear, and how he made Daniel smile because of them. He wanted to make Daniel feel good, he showered him in compliments, praising his body. He was actually happy that both of them had good stamina so that they were able to drag out their love play.

“I’ll grant you the wish, babe.”

He slowly pushed inside Daniel, gasping for air as he felt the younger man clench down around him. Step by step, he worked his way inside him, making him squirm and moan again and again. He held still as he was buried completely in Daniel.

“You’re doing so good, you can be so proud of you.”

Their eyes locked, their hands intertwined and their lips met. Their bodies were starting to get tired, so their movements stayed slow, their voices were quiet. Karl could hear Daniel moaning his name with each thrust, a sound he never wanted to forget. Every single sound Daniel made was mesmerizing, every sound was sweet and the bottom sounded so incredibly innocent and vulnerable that Karl never wanted to leave his side ever again. He wanted to protect him.

As they both got closer, their movements got harsher, and Karl could feel Daniel tighten around him with a loud moan, spilling his seeds onto his stomach. The older one followed quick, holding the other male close to himself.

~

“Are we going to see each other again?”

After they had cleaned themselves, Daniel had rested his head on Karl’s chest, and both of them had fallen into a long silence. The younger one’s voice broke it, a hint of fear in it.

“I mean, you’re still a patient, so we’re going to see each other at least once a month… if you show up.”

“Promise me that you’re going to be there every time I show up?”

Karl smiled softly and pressed a kiss onto Daniel’s forehead.

“I will. Pinky promise.”

Silence fell over them again like a heavy blanket. Karl could feel Daniel tense again as if he wanted to say something more but was holding himself back. It took some time before he opened his mouth again.

“I… I actually meant, if we… if this would be a one-time thing?”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Danny?”

Karl’s hand found Daniel’s, their fingers intertwined again, while his other hand drew small patterns on Daniel’s back.

“I wouldn’t say no to a pizza date with you. I want to get to know you.”

“You’re… actually giving me a chance?”

“I give everyone a chance.”

Daniel looked up into Karl’s eyes, biting his lip nervously.

“You’re not going to get back with your ex?”

The older one pressed a soft kiss onto his lover’s lips, before burying his face into his hair.

“First of all, I don’t think I actually have another chance with him, and second of all… We weren’t meant for each other. Of course, I was an ass because I cheated on him but… when we got together, we were just a pair of lost souls, looking for someone who filled the void in our hearts. It didn’t fit.”

“And… with me?”

“I can’t tell. Not yet. I can only promise you not to cheat on you. If you don’t cheat on me.”

The younger one nodded, cuddling closer to Karl. A quiet approval.

“Maybe you can fix me…” Daniel whispered, closing his eyes.

Karl smiled, pressing a kiss onto his hair before shifting a bit and also closing his eyes.

“Maybe we can fix each other.”


End file.
